Sweet and cuddly…dependent bundle…
That is how he entered this world…
Protecting him as only a Shepherd can…
Leading him gently with my hand.
I read to him, I bathed him, I provided moments of awe and wonder for him.
He had questions that only I could answer.
His eyes looked at me in loving ways that brought tears to my eyes…
Only for years to take him into the infamous adolescent blues.
The giggling, fun adoring ways seem to have escaped through his growing body…
I can no longer communicate as his responses as short and closed.
I can no longer lead, as he is too wise to follow.
I can no longer protect as in his eyes I am too weak.
And so I wait as years pass, for maturity to come and end the silence of the lamb.
William is thirteen…and yes, we have our times. Some are just down right defiance and others are simply misunderstandings. I had lunch today with Craig…he talked about the love he has for his wife, the plans for their delivery, the hard work he endures to provide for them…the love he has for life. I am blessed to have this time. Blessed as it strengthens our relationship and also because it reminds me of how this turbulent time with William will eventually blossom into an adult relationship where we are equal…as Craig and I are…and my girls, too.
I went back into my journal for September 16th, 2001 where Craig was seventeen…or there bouts…I found this poem I had written…
There's a strong silence
Can you hear it? It's deafening.
Piercing my ears
I go from room to room trying to get clear of it.
No matter what, I can't escape it.
I think if maybe I open my mouth
I could scare the silence away
But no words come.
Engulfing me, as my heart despairs,
Afraid I will never speak again
Living with this booming silence
as my background sound for life.
Yes, about silence I was experiencing from Craig in his turbulent years…it has a familiar tune…to the writing of today…and I am reminded after having lunch with the same person…so many years later…this too with William will pass.