Saturday, May 30, 2009
If I don't make time to be who I am...I get lost...I know what makes my heart sing.
I have dropped the ball with all the hospital, doctor visits and plain ole stuff that has taken over my life...my exercise routine has suffered and the final PT test is this coming Monday. I know I am deficient. I am so very disappointed in myself. I have allowed myself to be consumed. Course, being sick for two weeks and taking antibotics for an upper respiratory infection didn't help, either.
I mowed the grass today...to absorb some sunshine and work is always good therapy for me...worked out in the yard, weeding and such...I cried my eyes out...don't feel badly for me...they were therapeutic tears...
Then I listened to Chonda Pierce ...and Jeanne Robertson...Emily came over and we played...I fixed supper...then Emily painted the fence, with water. shortly after, Pa,Winston and Emme B and I went for a walk around the block. We stopped and talked to a family of five passing with their dog. The dog came up and licked on Emme, the three children all came up and petted on Emme. The parents said, "Oh, what a pretty little girl." Emily absorbed it all! When we got back the Muirs were outside with the new twins...and we sit and chatted and played for quite a long while until Becky came by to pick up the little squirt.
I did not go anywhere today! I did not get in a car. I did not have any appointments or engagements. I have not had a day like such for too long.
I have instead been full of hurry and worry. Even now my mind is trying to skip back to thinking about tomorrow...Pool Patrol 1300-2000...then Monday is our 24th anniversary...do I get to celebrate it? Well, somewhere after the final PT test at 0800...and my shift of 1600-0200...the next day, Mom's oncology appointment...then Thursday the final Oral Board @ 1400 and then to work...my birthday is Friday...I am off...but no I'm not. I signed up for Pool Patrol remember? So, my assignment for that week landed on my 44th birthday...1300-2000...the Foster family reunion is the next day. When am I suppose to workout...do laundry...study...tend to the family?
I used to be a great time manager.
I haven't even gotten to see my newest little nephew, Henry.
Listening to Papa right now play tunes for me on his guitar...as I type my thoughts out, I can smile with meaning...
It's amazing how different you can feel at the beginning of the day and at the end of the day.
It's all because I was able to take the time to create my own music...like Pa is doing right now...wish you could hear it. It is beautiful...it sounds like wind chimes making music.
"Find what makes your heart sing and create your own music." ~Mac Anderson
Sunday, May 10, 2009
And so our mothers and grandmothers have, more often than not anonymously, handed on the creative spark, the seed of the flower they themselves never hoped to see -- or like a sealed letter they could not plainly read.-- Alice Walker
Happy Mother's Day to All who have embraced a child for many years...for a brief span of time...or for just a few moments maybe, just glancing and smiling toward an unknown child and giving them a sense of hope. Opportunities are everywhere.
___Amendment to the early morning post.__
Almost all six were able to visit for lunch...Anna was here in the form of the rose she presented me with the night before. These guys are my first dream...raising them were the happiest years of my life. The rest is just icing on the cake.
Mom and Scarlet were able to visit, too!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
I thought, Yep, she sings for her supper..."Songbirds always eat ...If their song is sweet to hear... sing and you'll be fed."
Friday, May 8, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
And so the twist and turns of adolescents is wreaking havoc on my home. I find myself shocked, frustrated and plain out disgusted. Everything gets a tint of grey over it when the issues peak. It’s easier for me to forget the good stuff.
I signed onto my email today in the thick of my repugnance, searching for something to help me not think about the continuous cycle that I must endure for a few more years. My email held a note from my daughter-in-law who was advising she started a blog…and she honored me with it.
Now… that little moment took me out of a funk and was just what I needed to remind me of what I’ve been meaning to post for about a week…. I meant to post about:
Listening to the song, I Live for Little Moments Like That by Brad Paisley and how it made me think of the little things recently that I have seen and experienced…that brighten me and take me to a level of contentment…like…
Walking along the trail at Pine Mountain, listening to the songbirds, feeling the breeze on my neck and Papa reaching over and taking my hand.
Stopping by Craig and Becky’s for a short second while on duty. With Becky bringing Emme B out to the cruiser to say hello to her Mimi. I take a Jr. Police badge sticker and place it on her shirt…and we talk about Mimi’s badge and Emme’s badge and she shines…then days later when she comes to visit Mimi she finds a business card of mine. It has a badge logo on it. She takes the business card, places it on her shirt and tries to make it stick. I still tear up reminiscing that moment.
Watching the squirrel on my “squirrel proof” bird feeder trying to steal sunflower seed and slipping and FALLING seven foot to the ground…landing on his feet, picking up a seed off the ground and acting like nothing happened.
Waking up to find a note on my dresser from Ariel…knowing she looked in on me as I slept and took the time to write a note…I felt like I had an angel looking over me.
Seeing my mom, as the smooth talking Oncologist tells her hard to swallow information in such a way that she smiles and giggles like a school girl. Gosh, it was so hard to fight back the ocean of tears dammed behind my eyes.
A co-worker’s devilish grin as she really wanted to put that stray cat in her buddy’s cruiser…
The little guy less than two years old, in the back seat of a car at a Speedway…with a seat belt on and no booster…I pull the babysitter aside and advise she’s not leaving until the child is in a booster seat…and by the way, Ms do you know what it would do to the little guy if you had a collision and he was just in the seat belt made for bigger folks? I look back in at the little guy as we wait for a friend to bring a booster seat… finishing off his candy bar, Curly black locks of hair, big brown eyes, smiling a serious chocolate smile as he looks up at me…innocently.
Yeah, I live for little moments like that.