One of my favorite reminders this past week when I have complained to Ariel about how I feel after gall bladder surgery…
“Well, Mom, you just had an organ removed this week!”
And so I have and so I have.
I remember having my appendix taken out when I was six and a half months pregnant with Ariel.
I think it’s amazing how we are equipped with all these spare parts. Appendix? Gall Bladder? Who needs them…Why even yesterday; Emily worked on a loose tooth until it was lying in her hand instead of the socket in which it was born.
It’s difficult for me to sit still. But I must as I’ve lost an organ this week.
Today marks the day Aunt Juanita went to her heavenly home. My heart aches and so I take pictures and videos of my sweet babies today trying to hide from the pain.
It’s difficult for me to sit still and think. But again I must as I’ve lost a piece of my heart this year. My anxiety level is high. I am irritable in so many ways that I try to hide it because Emily shouldn’t have to carry the burden nor should my fur-feathered babies. I know Aunt Juanita is in a better place. I finally went by her house the other day. Her neighbor called and said there was a hole in the roof over the front door and she knew Aunt Juanita would not have wanted her home to have such neglect. Aunt Juanita’s executor of estate is truly the same even a year later. I had told the neighbor to call him as he was the one in charge of the Aunt Juanita’s property now. He told her he had nothing to do with it. That it belongs to the bank. I told her to call Code Enforcement. I told her to drop my name. I know that isn’t true as the bank contacts me monthly since Aunt Juanita left us to ask when the executor will be sending a death certificate. I went by her home and took a picture. I couldn’t keep it on my phone. It breaks my heart to see it. But the kind neighbor is right. Just above the front porch is a hole and green moss trails down. As it rains today…I am keenly aware of the damage that slowly grows on 1616 Strader Drive. I want to stop it from continuing. Probate court says get a lawyer…the bank says get a lawyer. I’m a single Mimi. I don’t have money for a lawyer. I have had dreams this past week of Granny dying and leaving a bird that the executor failed to look after…that I sneak in her house to help it. I’ve had dreams of Aunt Juanita in her home.
Maybe, I can do something. It’s been year. I know in my heart that Aunt Juanita worries nothing about anything here on earth now. But I want to do right by her. Maybe, a door will open.
Maybe, it’s just a simple way to try and heal my heart by trying to save her house just like taking pictures of my babies.
No matter the holes your try to fix the damage is done.
Unlike a surgery recovery or a tooth growing back…some broken hearts never mend.
"Some memories never end.
Some tears will never dry.
My love for you will never die."