It's not been the best past few days for me. Yea, I've met obligations but my heart hasn't been happy. I've somehow lost my ability to manage my time...and I have been struggling with finding time to do create my own music. It makes my heart heavy.my mind blue.my countenance downcast.my eyes tearful.
If I don't make time to be who I am...I get lost...I know what makes my heart sing.
I have dropped the ball with all the hospital, doctor visits and plain ole stuff that has taken over my life...my exercise routine has suffered and the final PT test is this coming Monday. I know I am deficient. I am so very disappointed in myself. I have allowed myself to be consumed. Course, being sick for two weeks and taking antibotics for an upper respiratory infection didn't help, either.
I mowed the grass today...to absorb some sunshine and work is always good therapy for me...worked out in the yard, weeding and such...I cried my eyes out...don't feel badly for me...they were therapeutic tears...
Then I listened to Chonda Pierce ...and Jeanne Robertson...Emily came over and we played...I fixed supper...then Emily painted the fence, with water. shortly after, Pa,Winston and Emme B and I went for a walk around the block. We stopped and talked to a family of five passing with their dog. The dog came up and licked on Emme, the three children all came up and petted on Emme. The parents said, "Oh, what a pretty little girl." Emily absorbed it all! When we got back the Muirs were outside with the new twins...and we sit and chatted and played for quite a long while until Becky came by to pick up the little squirt.
I did not go anywhere today! I did not get in a car. I did not have any appointments or engagements. I have not had a day like such for too long.
I have instead been full of hurry and worry. Even now my mind is trying to skip back to thinking about tomorrow...Pool Patrol 1300-2000...then Monday is our 24th anniversary...do I get to celebrate it? Well, somewhere after the final PT test at 0800...and my shift of 1600-0200...the next day, Mom's oncology appointment...then Thursday the final Oral Board @ 1400 and then to work...my birthday is Friday...I am off...but no I'm not. I signed up for Pool Patrol remember? So, my assignment for that week landed on my 44th birthday...1300-2000...the Foster family reunion is the next day. When am I suppose to workout...do laundry...study...tend to the family?
I used to be a great time manager.
I haven't even gotten to see my newest little nephew, Henry.
Listening to Papa right now play tunes for me on his guitar...as I type my thoughts out, I can smile with meaning...
It's amazing how different you can feel at the beginning of the day and at the end of the day.
It's all because I was able to take the time to create my own music...like Pa is doing right now...wish you could hear it. It is beautiful...it sounds like wind chimes making music.
"Find what makes your heart sing and create your own music." ~Mac Anderson