The other night at work, I was on a call to assist Hospice. Apparently the narcotics prescribed to the dying mother were being used by a family member. She was out of medicine again, experiencing great pain. Hospice didn’t feel safe entering the house alone. I went there twice that night with them. The house was dirty and cluttered, too small for the five that were living there. Not a home I would want my mother in to slowly watch her life pass away.
The patient probably weighed 85 lbs. Her eyes protruding as her flesh was shrinking. She was frail as frail could be. And I thought of Moma. I live with what could I have done better. What if I had taken her to a specialist out of state. I am sure I am not the only child of a cancer victim that feels that way.
Moma had more fight in her in the last days than I had seen in her the entire time I knew her. I think she was able to have this fight because she leaned on people she loved instead of pulling away.
I believe it is easier for me to pull away, as I don’t want anyone to see or know my weaknesses. But I’ve yet to master that “not thinking” trick and so it stays with me and keeps life’s trauma’s in my face.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Who Wears The Collar
Daisy stands on her back legs beside my bed, raking my face with her sandpaper paws. The sun is up, she tells me as she licks my hand and refuses to let me sleep.
Who Wears The Collar?
Dragging myself out of bed, the air is chilly outside; I haven’t even had time to get coffee in a cup. She somehow gets me out into the yard to play ball.
Who Wears The Collar?
I know she just went out as I get busy around the house, but this is the fifth time she stands at the back door whining. She is NOT in need of relieving herself.
Who Wears The Collar?
I can gather my stuff, to work on something, placing everything on the cocktail table. It become inevitable, I must choose a different seat as Daisy now occupies the area she decided I was prepping for her.
Who Wears The Collar?
Workout on the floor means I am in her territory. Pushups and such become an act of play…try to move with a 75 lb dog sitting on your stomach.
Who Wears The Collar?
Leaving to run errands can be tricky. If the truck door is open and I turn my back, Daisy loads herself in. I come back to the truck to find her proud and ready for travel. And the struggle begans.
Who Wears The Collar?
She drops the ball at my feet as I get dressed for work reminding me we’ve only played ball 10 times today. She sees her chances slimming for more. The uniform means Moma is leaving. She rests her head and her ball on the window sill and the pout goes on.
Yeah, Just Who Wears The Collar?
Who Wears The Collar?
Dragging myself out of bed, the air is chilly outside; I haven’t even had time to get coffee in a cup. She somehow gets me out into the yard to play ball.
Who Wears The Collar?
I know she just went out as I get busy around the house, but this is the fifth time she stands at the back door whining. She is NOT in need of relieving herself.
Who Wears The Collar?
I can gather my stuff, to work on something, placing everything on the cocktail table. It become inevitable, I must choose a different seat as Daisy now occupies the area she decided I was prepping for her.
Who Wears The Collar?
Workout on the floor means I am in her territory. Pushups and such become an act of play…try to move with a 75 lb dog sitting on your stomach.
Who Wears The Collar?
Leaving to run errands can be tricky. If the truck door is open and I turn my back, Daisy loads herself in. I come back to the truck to find her proud and ready for travel. And the struggle begans.
Who Wears The Collar?
She drops the ball at my feet as I get dressed for work reminding me we’ve only played ball 10 times today. She sees her chances slimming for more. The uniform means Moma is leaving. She rests her head and her ball on the window sill and the pout goes on.
Yeah, Just Who Wears The Collar?
Who Wears The Collar?
Daisy stands on her back legs beside my bed, raking my face with her sandpaper paws. The sun is up, she tells me as she licks my hand and refuses to let me sleep.
Who Wears The Collar?
Dragging myself out of bed, the air is chilly outside; I haven’t even had time to get coffee in a cup. She somehow gets me out into the yard to play ball.
Who Wears The Collar?
I know she just went out as I get busy around the house, but this is the fifth time she stands at the back door whining. She is NOT in need of relieving herself.
Who Wears The Collar?
I can gather my stuff, to work on something, placing everything on the cocktail table. It become inevitable, I must choose a different seat as Daisy now occupies the area she decided I was prepping for her.
Who Wears The Collar?
Workout on the floor means I am in her territory. Pushups and such become an act of play…try to move with a 75 lb dog sitting on your stomach.
Who Wears The Collar?
Leaving to run errands can be tricky. If the truck door is open and I turn my back, Daisy loads herself in and
She drops the ball at my feet as I get dressed for work reminding me we’ve only played ball 10 times today. She sees her chances slimming for more. The uniform means Moma is leaving. She rests her head and her ball on the window sill and the pout goes on.
Yesh, Who Wears The Collar?
Daisy stands on her back legs beside my bed, raking my face with her sandpaper paws. The sun is up, she tells me as she licks my hand and refuses to let me sleep.
Who Wears The Collar?
Dragging myself out of bed, the air is chilly outside; I haven’t even had time to get coffee in a cup. She somehow gets me out into the yard to play ball.
Who Wears The Collar?
I know she just went out as I get busy around the house, but this is the fifth time she stands at the back door whining. She is NOT in need of relieving herself.
Who Wears The Collar?
I can gather my stuff, to work on something, placing everything on the cocktail table. It become inevitable, I must choose a different seat as Daisy now occupies the area she decided I was prepping for her.
Who Wears The Collar?
Workout on the floor means I am in her territory. Pushups and such become an act of play…try to move with a 75 lb dog sitting on your stomach.
Who Wears The Collar?
Leaving to run errands can be tricky. If the truck door is open and I turn my back, Daisy loads herself in and
She drops the ball at my feet as I get dressed for work reminding me we’ve only played ball 10 times today. She sees her chances slimming for more. The uniform means Moma is leaving. She rests her head and her ball on the window sill and the pout goes on.
Yesh, Who Wears The Collar?
Friday, November 4, 2011
Daisy Days
The other morning I let Daisy out and didn’t notice Pickacu had left a little field mouse lying on the patio. The little grey thing lying there on its back, legs in the air, white belly showing. I did noticed though as Daisy flipped to her back putting her legs and the air and looking to her side where the little mouse lay in the same position. How could I miss it…
This morning she found a dead mole. She flipped it up in the air, rolled on it, and desperately attempted to entice it to play. She has carted her friend all over the yard. When she brought it to the back door to gain entrance to my home, sweet, home…I said, “at-at, Daisy, you aren’t bringing that in here.” She gently laid it down and came in without it…I think she said, “ah, Mooooom,” under her dog breath…which by the way I probably don’t need to mention is tainted by rodent germs.
She stood by the door a bit later, barking and growling at a blue heron in the field, sparked and wanted to ensue attack on this long legged creature who dare approach her domain. Honestly, after the groundhog incident I don’t want to under estimate her ability so I opened the door in such a way to alert the heron that “something wicked, it’s way comes.” Daisy lit out offer it! Its five to six foot wing span was incredible and did not seem to intimidate my furry child. She pranced all about attempting to establish her authority over the terrain…and “blue” flew away.
She loves cooler temps…I love her.
This morning she found a dead mole. She flipped it up in the air, rolled on it, and desperately attempted to entice it to play. She has carted her friend all over the yard. When she brought it to the back door to gain entrance to my home, sweet, home…I said, “at-at, Daisy, you aren’t bringing that in here.” She gently laid it down and came in without it…I think she said, “ah, Mooooom,” under her dog breath…which by the way I probably don’t need to mention is tainted by rodent germs.
She stood by the door a bit later, barking and growling at a blue heron in the field, sparked and wanted to ensue attack on this long legged creature who dare approach her domain. Honestly, after the groundhog incident I don’t want to under estimate her ability so I opened the door in such a way to alert the heron that “something wicked, it’s way comes.” Daisy lit out offer it! Its five to six foot wing span was incredible and did not seem to intimidate my furry child. She pranced all about attempting to establish her authority over the terrain…and “blue” flew away.
She loves cooler temps…I love her.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Because I'm a Giver....
There's only a few stars
And it's a little eerie out here.
I can't see daisy but I can hear her collar.
She's blitzing through the field.
Even though darkness covers the view, it's really awesome out here.
The feathery clouds over the dark sky with patches of clear and starry sky behind the layers.
the glow from a far away house.
And the trees with their limbs reaching out in the darkness.
The hum of the world going on around me.
The air is nice.
Crisp against my face…
The fields are alive…come walk with me.
And it's a little eerie out here.
I can't see daisy but I can hear her collar.
She's blitzing through the field.
Even though darkness covers the view, it's really awesome out here.
The feathery clouds over the dark sky with patches of clear and starry sky behind the layers.
the glow from a far away house.
And the trees with their limbs reaching out in the darkness.
The hum of the world going on around me.
The air is nice.
Crisp against my face…
The fields are alive…come walk with me.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
A Daisy Filled Morning
So, Daisy lost her ball...and this morning as soon as the day began, after the routine morning wake up, she brings this rope to me, (as depicted in the first photo) and says, "You know, Moma, me having to settle for this rope instead of waking up to my ball is like you having to settle for a glass of tea instead of your treasured coffee."
I have to say, I felt her pain.
So, we went on a hunt for her beloved ball and found it under the bed. She eagerly followed me to the laundry room to retrieve the broom, saying, "Now, we're talking, Now we're talking!" (You know when dogs get real excited, they repeat themselves).
Ball from under the bed, I bounced it a few times for her to jump up and catch and then posted in the bed with MY morning treasure and began to sip.
Daisy jumps in the bed...and of course, gets in my face and has a total different expression from 10 minutes before (as depicted in the second photo). I was vaguely reminded of the importance balls play in life (click on the link later and read). I remind her it's Moma's "me time" and so as the last photo captures, she posts waiting again for "her time."
*Click on the photo to get a larger version...her expressions are pretty freaking adorable.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Keeping my Head Above the Clouds.
I was able to tread water yesterday…barely keeping my head above the waves, looking for any passing object that I could grab a hold of to steady my struggle…
And eventually the day ended. I went to bed with a smile. (You should always smile when you lay down for the night…it makes your sleep sweeter).
This morning, as I prepare for an extremely busy day, Daisy told me it was safe for me to toss ball with her so we ventured outside with “the ball” and “the coffee.”
She’s right you know I am able to throw ball without it hurting. Daisy is so doggone smart! Of course, as she runs through the field on her retrieve and return mission, I am left to sip my coffee and absorb the morning.
Big grey clouds were blowing across the skies, presenting a chance of rain, but blowing by so quickly the chances were slim. Huge grey clouds tossed by the wind, hovering; threatening to make for a gloomy day.
But if I shifted my gaze…cause it was like a 3D picture…and looked beyond the threat of gloom, I could see the baby blue sky with virgin white summer clouds, that look like puffy cotton. One sky, two views. Today I think I’ll focus on the promise that hangs in view behind the grey.
And eventually the day ended. I went to bed with a smile. (You should always smile when you lay down for the night…it makes your sleep sweeter).
This morning, as I prepare for an extremely busy day, Daisy told me it was safe for me to toss ball with her so we ventured outside with “the ball” and “the coffee.”
She’s right you know I am able to throw ball without it hurting. Daisy is so doggone smart! Of course, as she runs through the field on her retrieve and return mission, I am left to sip my coffee and absorb the morning.
Big grey clouds were blowing across the skies, presenting a chance of rain, but blowing by so quickly the chances were slim. Huge grey clouds tossed by the wind, hovering; threatening to make for a gloomy day.
But if I shifted my gaze…cause it was like a 3D picture…and looked beyond the threat of gloom, I could see the baby blue sky with virgin white summer clouds, that look like puffy cotton. One sky, two views. Today I think I’ll focus on the promise that hangs in view behind the grey.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Living...breathing...
For the past week, Pikachu and Daisy has experienced great difficulty in relaxing outdoors. The heat hasn’t been a problem, mind you, it’s Heckle and Jeckle. Two mockingbirds with major territorial issues. Suddenly this land belongs to them and they are willing to “flight” to the death to establish the fact with my precious pooch and my goddess kitty.
I continue to watch their behaviors and think to myself that I am gonna grab my camera and I never do. I just watch. I watch the sorry bird brains chase my cat in doors with her ears laid back, looking like she’s trying to get away from a fire where the flames are about to lick her furry pajamas. I watch Daisy try to protect her kitty, despite the realities of the relationship and how it is so similar to Odie and Garfield. She chases the mouthy mockingbirds away from Pika and watches them intently from the ground as they sit in the tree or on the wires and mock, yes, that’s why they are called mockingbirds, and mock they do. I watch and I listen to their constant thug like dribble. I listen to Pika chatter back at them…and they just mock back. I never get to my camera. I never catch her lying on the back patio rolling onto her back teasing them to try and come peck her so she can with one swipe of an out stretched claw remind them of the furry pajama goddess and her reign. I never catch them swooping down and pecking her behind as they chatter something about cats are not wanted here. I guess it’s just something you’d have to see for yourself.
This morning…I sat on the front porch as Pika and Daisy were on the back patio with Heckle and Jeckle. The constant chatter takes away from the morning coffee experience. So while they discussed things I sipped my liquid life in semi quiet on the front porch. Then Heckle showed up…I told him if he kept bothering me I’d send his feathers flying through the air in an unattached way. I ain’t playing this crazy game. He got quiet and I watched as he flew to the big pine in the front circle. He landed on the ground and assessed, yes, a baby. He flew to it and flew away. I think he was sizing up the situation. Poor bird brain…there is no situation to size up. Once they have fallen…it’s a no win situation. Well, it would be win for Pikachu if I shared the finding. I thought, “Ha! Serves you right!”
Then I went out and looked at it. Innocent…brought into this world by nature without asking. Lying exposed and vulnerable on the ground making itself flat as it could to be less noticeable to prey.
…and my heart…doesn’t feel the hate anymore…it feels compassion…
I located the nest in the tree…geez, so high and I am so short. I know I can’t touch it or the parents will peck it to death. So I gather my equipment, latex gloves, my camera (just in case I get a chance to shoot it), a small pail and my truck keys. I size up how far back I can back up. I line my truck up under the nest. Oh, I haven’t mentioned how Heckle and Jeckle are as angry as wet birds…
I rub my latex gloves on the ground and on the tree limbs to eliminate as much human odor that I can. And I get little baby in the pail. She jumps and runs. I chase her and put her back in the pail. Heckle and Jeckle are out of their minds. I climb the truck and stand on the bed cover. When I go to dump the lost soul into the nest, its siblings think I’m there to feed them and all lean up with their mouths open…lost Nikon moment there, by the way. I dump her in…Heckle and Jeckle start dive bombing at me. I turn to fight them, and the lost soul jumps out of the nest!!! What the freaking heck!!!
So the whole thing happens again…but this time I bring Daisy out to fight Ma and Pa while I perform my firewoman like service. And all goes well…I shove baby into the nest and smash her down so she stays this time…well, it didn’t quite happen like that, but I do like to tell a good story.
I secretly know this will probably not work. She’ll be rejected by her parents, probably won’t get food from them and if she makes it, will suffer through her life with serious emotional issues. But my conscience is satisfied. And that’s what I have to live with, right?
I just wish my instructor would accept this writing for the two page essay on how poverty affects the crime level. I mean I can see it in this, can’t you? That and poor housing…why would the bird brains build a slanted nest anyway!
I continue to watch their behaviors and think to myself that I am gonna grab my camera and I never do. I just watch. I watch the sorry bird brains chase my cat in doors with her ears laid back, looking like she’s trying to get away from a fire where the flames are about to lick her furry pajamas. I watch Daisy try to protect her kitty, despite the realities of the relationship and how it is so similar to Odie and Garfield. She chases the mouthy mockingbirds away from Pika and watches them intently from the ground as they sit in the tree or on the wires and mock, yes, that’s why they are called mockingbirds, and mock they do. I watch and I listen to their constant thug like dribble. I listen to Pika chatter back at them…and they just mock back. I never get to my camera. I never catch her lying on the back patio rolling onto her back teasing them to try and come peck her so she can with one swipe of an out stretched claw remind them of the furry pajama goddess and her reign. I never catch them swooping down and pecking her behind as they chatter something about cats are not wanted here. I guess it’s just something you’d have to see for yourself.
This morning…I sat on the front porch as Pika and Daisy were on the back patio with Heckle and Jeckle. The constant chatter takes away from the morning coffee experience. So while they discussed things I sipped my liquid life in semi quiet on the front porch. Then Heckle showed up…I told him if he kept bothering me I’d send his feathers flying through the air in an unattached way. I ain’t playing this crazy game. He got quiet and I watched as he flew to the big pine in the front circle. He landed on the ground and assessed, yes, a baby. He flew to it and flew away. I think he was sizing up the situation. Poor bird brain…there is no situation to size up. Once they have fallen…it’s a no win situation. Well, it would be win for Pikachu if I shared the finding. I thought, “Ha! Serves you right!”
Then I went out and looked at it. Innocent…brought into this world by nature without asking. Lying exposed and vulnerable on the ground making itself flat as it could to be less noticeable to prey.
…and my heart…doesn’t feel the hate anymore…it feels compassion…
I located the nest in the tree…geez, so high and I am so short. I know I can’t touch it or the parents will peck it to death. So I gather my equipment, latex gloves, my camera (just in case I get a chance to shoot it), a small pail and my truck keys. I size up how far back I can back up. I line my truck up under the nest. Oh, I haven’t mentioned how Heckle and Jeckle are as angry as wet birds…
I rub my latex gloves on the ground and on the tree limbs to eliminate as much human odor that I can. And I get little baby in the pail. She jumps and runs. I chase her and put her back in the pail. Heckle and Jeckle are out of their minds. I climb the truck and stand on the bed cover. When I go to dump the lost soul into the nest, its siblings think I’m there to feed them and all lean up with their mouths open…lost Nikon moment there, by the way. I dump her in…Heckle and Jeckle start dive bombing at me. I turn to fight them, and the lost soul jumps out of the nest!!! What the freaking heck!!!
So the whole thing happens again…but this time I bring Daisy out to fight Ma and Pa while I perform my firewoman like service. And all goes well…I shove baby into the nest and smash her down so she stays this time…well, it didn’t quite happen like that, but I do like to tell a good story.
I secretly know this will probably not work. She’ll be rejected by her parents, probably won’t get food from them and if she makes it, will suffer through her life with serious emotional issues. But my conscience is satisfied. And that’s what I have to live with, right?
I just wish my instructor would accept this writing for the two page essay on how poverty affects the crime level. I mean I can see it in this, can’t you? That and poor housing…why would the bird brains build a slanted nest anyway!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
We Said Goodbye, a Year Ago
It's been a year since we said goodbye, Moma...
So thankful for the time I had with you during your last days. So thankful for all the memories...so thankful you have a new body now and are dancing with the angels...no more pain...no more worry...You are greatly missed.
Today,I'm getting stuck in my blog...I ran a search on Moma in it and found quite a bit I wrote...Moma's last day is always hard for me to read but I'm thankful I took the time to write it late that night when I couldn't sleep. I wish I had more of the conversations written down. Like the one sitting around the kitchen talble in Sharpsburg discussing what would happen in our adult years...I see butterflies everyday. Molly and Emily have a love for them...Daisy has, shame on her, been trying to catch them...I was taking a report the other day on a missing juvenile whose birthday was 05/26 and had to stop and breath...Moma speaks to me sometimes and it takes me a second to maintain my composure. and with every butterfly I see...it's as if she lives in flight...reminding me she's dancing with the angels. Free.
So much has changed since you left us, Moma. Time does not go backwards
So thankful for the time I had with you during your last days. So thankful for all the memories...so thankful you have a new body now and are dancing with the angels...no more pain...no more worry...You are greatly missed.
Today,I'm getting stuck in my blog...I ran a search on Moma in it and found quite a bit I wrote...Moma's last day is always hard for me to read but I'm thankful I took the time to write it late that night when I couldn't sleep. I wish I had more of the conversations written down. Like the one sitting around the kitchen talble in Sharpsburg discussing what would happen in our adult years...I see butterflies everyday. Molly and Emily have a love for them...Daisy has, shame on her, been trying to catch them...I was taking a report the other day on a missing juvenile whose birthday was 05/26 and had to stop and breath...Moma speaks to me sometimes and it takes me a second to maintain my composure. and with every butterfly I see...it's as if she lives in flight...reminding me she's dancing with the angels. Free.
So much has changed since you left us, Moma. Time does not go backwards
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
And Ain't I a Woman?
Came up on her speech today as I was doing my class work...always worth reading...
Ah, but Sojourner speaks the truth in her speech…short and “sweet.” It’s the kind of speech that get’s your attention whether you agree or not. I can see her throwing her arm up as she says, “Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted and gathered into barns, and no man could head me!” She describes the situation in her opening. She establishes an authority and connection as she starts out, “Well, children…
Posted it here for you to refresh your memory. I'm sure you've read it before.
”AIN'T I A WOMAN?
by Sojourner Truth
Delivered 1851 at the Women's Convention in Akron, Ohio
Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter. I think that 'twixt the negroes of the South and the women at the North, all talking about rights, the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what's all this here talking about?
That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man - when I could get it - and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain't I a woman?
Then they talk about this thing in the head; what's this they call it? [member of audience whispers, "intellect"] That's it, honey. What's that got to do with women's rights or negroes' rights? If my cup won't hold but a pint, and yours holds a quart, wouldn't you be mean not to let me have my little half measure full?
Then that little man in black there, he says women can't have as much rights as men, 'cause Christ wasn't a woman! Where did your Christ come from? Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him.
If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back , and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it, the men better let them.
Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain't got nothing more to say.
Ah, but Sojourner speaks the truth in her speech…short and “sweet.” It’s the kind of speech that get’s your attention whether you agree or not. I can see her throwing her arm up as she says, “Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted and gathered into barns, and no man could head me!” She describes the situation in her opening. She establishes an authority and connection as she starts out, “Well, children…
Posted it here for you to refresh your memory. I'm sure you've read it before.
”AIN'T I A WOMAN?
by Sojourner Truth
Delivered 1851 at the Women's Convention in Akron, Ohio
Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter. I think that 'twixt the negroes of the South and the women at the North, all talking about rights, the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what's all this here talking about?
That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man - when I could get it - and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain't I a woman?
Then they talk about this thing in the head; what's this they call it? [member of audience whispers, "intellect"] That's it, honey. What's that got to do with women's rights or negroes' rights? If my cup won't hold but a pint, and yours holds a quart, wouldn't you be mean not to let me have my little half measure full?
Then that little man in black there, he says women can't have as much rights as men, 'cause Christ wasn't a woman! Where did your Christ come from? Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him.
If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back , and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it, the men better let them.
Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain't got nothing more to say.
Friday, May 6, 2011
A Timely Poem
Received an email from George this morning...I can't read it without crying...A few days before Mother's Day when my sister's and I are struggling...thinking about Moma...I think she spoke to us...
He wrote:
Found this clipping in one of your mother's books this morning:
Thank you, Moma...what a lovely poem to pass on. I am so thankful you are free from pain.
He wrote:
Found this clipping in one of your mother's books this morning:
Thank you, Moma...what a lovely poem to pass on. I am so thankful you are free from pain.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Windy days...
Baby Grace is not here this morning…She’s with her Daddy…so Mimi is left with her thoughts and no distractions…tossed to and fro…unable to connect…and I remember how my friend talks to me about grounding techniques…breath, Donna…5 counts in/5 counts out for 15 minutes…think about what you DO have control over…even simple things such as the temperature of your shower water…what clothes you wear…Notice touch, using your bodies senses to experience exactly where I am in the moment. Why do I permit my thoughts to take me to dark places? Letting them blow me here and there…
The wind is strong today…both inside these walls and out. Everything is moved by it…I sat in my bed watching the trees and the grass moved by the invisible force. Grounded. Rooted…so moved but standing firm.
And then a robin came bobbing up towards my window…walking up the driveway…It’s feathery cap blowing in the wind…it’s tail feathers blowing to the side…the dull orange on her chest blowing revealing gray…but she stood…with one leg cocked out to the side, a bird with a “tude. She stood firm in the wind…little stick legs planting her firm.
And a verse comes to mind…that reminds me that He cares for the birds and I am more valuable than them.
Do I feel all better? No. But I’m learning…and I’m trying to see myself through God’s eyes…
Why would I post this?
Cause as I watch the grass, the trees, the birds, Daisy’s fur blowing in the wind…I know I’m not the only one…struggling to stand firm. Someone else might need to know they aren’t either.
I think…I’ll stop working on my college essay for a while, get outside and mow some of this grass…let the wind blow me around and think about how I am planted firm in God’s care…like an ole bird with a ‘tude.
The wind is strong today…both inside these walls and out. Everything is moved by it…I sat in my bed watching the trees and the grass moved by the invisible force. Grounded. Rooted…so moved but standing firm.
And then a robin came bobbing up towards my window…walking up the driveway…It’s feathery cap blowing in the wind…it’s tail feathers blowing to the side…the dull orange on her chest blowing revealing gray…but she stood…with one leg cocked out to the side, a bird with a “tude. She stood firm in the wind…little stick legs planting her firm.
And a verse comes to mind…that reminds me that He cares for the birds and I am more valuable than them.
Do I feel all better? No. But I’m learning…and I’m trying to see myself through God’s eyes…
Why would I post this?
Cause as I watch the grass, the trees, the birds, Daisy’s fur blowing in the wind…I know I’m not the only one…struggling to stand firm. Someone else might need to know they aren’t either.
I think…I’ll stop working on my college essay for a while, get outside and mow some of this grass…let the wind blow me around and think about how I am planted firm in God’s care…like an ole bird with a ‘tude.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Donna's View 2011
I am supposed to be completing a paper of 2000 words, due today...but Daisy had to go out again. As I'm standing by the back door I am overcome with emotion. It's not an emotion I can label...and since I can't label it I asked myself..."What's going through your mind, Donna." Cause I want to be in control of my emotions. "Just look at it," I answered softly and this is what I saw:
Looking out the back door of my new place, the snow is covering the view in front of me. The big round bales of hay and the long stretch of field. The sky is slowly slipping into morning, with the light peaking through the lite blue. Daisy is like a polar bear when it snows. She walks into the snow and falls to her side, sliding through the cold white and eventually rolling to her back, making snow angels. The view silently whispers quiet and rest.
But in the back ground of it all, even though George Winston's Forrest is playing, I can hear the hum of traffic. So, I walk to the front of the house. From there I can see my rural road, I-75 north and south, I-64 east and west. It's Saturday, but there is plenty of movement on the highway. Steady flow of travelers passing by going about their business. This view doesn't whisper, it speaks loudly, that things must be done, that time doesn't stop.
And I know, I am simply watching from both views; Life. And the emotion I am feeling that I couldn't label; Peace. Peace in knowing I am where I am suppose to be...
...That I will grow in this place. That I will become a better person.
Peace is something I will get used to. I will embrace it. I will pass it on.
Looking out the back door of my new place, the snow is covering the view in front of me. The big round bales of hay and the long stretch of field. The sky is slowly slipping into morning, with the light peaking through the lite blue. Daisy is like a polar bear when it snows. She walks into the snow and falls to her side, sliding through the cold white and eventually rolling to her back, making snow angels. The view silently whispers quiet and rest.
But in the back ground of it all, even though George Winston's Forrest is playing, I can hear the hum of traffic. So, I walk to the front of the house. From there I can see my rural road, I-75 north and south, I-64 east and west. It's Saturday, but there is plenty of movement on the highway. Steady flow of travelers passing by going about their business. This view doesn't whisper, it speaks loudly, that things must be done, that time doesn't stop.
And I know, I am simply watching from both views; Life. And the emotion I am feeling that I couldn't label; Peace. Peace in knowing I am where I am suppose to be...
...That I will grow in this place. That I will become a better person.
Peace is something I will get used to. I will embrace it. I will pass it on.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Classes starting back...
So, winter break is over...and I am back in class...speech and psychology are the classes for this semester. I am not sure if I am wide awake at 3:30 this morning because I am anxious about classes or just because my mind is so full of "life thought." After 3 1/2 hours of thinking...who cares...I just want to sleep! :) (Ariel, Gracelyn could sleep over night here and we'd let you sleep!! Course, I'd be lacking in the feeding department...)
Anyway...starting Speech, reminds me of my first oral interview with the police department. I knew exactly what I was going to say but got in there and sounded like Elmer Fudd...seriously...I did. Although I had taught Sunday School, children's church, lead small groups, sung in front of big congregations .... When i had to sit at the end of a table with so many uniforms and rank...i sorta kinda folded. I spoke to Debbie Wagner about the situation and she suggested ToastMasters. Ever heard of it? It's a club that simply allows people to work on their public speaking. I grew to love going...if it wasn't your week to speak in front of everyone, there were still exercises that caused you to have to speak spontaneously. I never became a pro but I did benefit greatly. Starting up speech this semester just reminded me of steps I've taken in the past to be where I am today. I remember what I told, the now, Commander Blanton, during one of my earlier interviews..."I want to continue to learn, to grow, so I can be of service to those I meet.
Growing is good...painful sometimes, but very good...and well worth it.
Looks like 2011 is going to have growing pains...I'm ready...and God knows, behind a bit. May He always find me faithful...and during this semester, may I not be "speechless."
Anyway...starting Speech, reminds me of my first oral interview with the police department. I knew exactly what I was going to say but got in there and sounded like Elmer Fudd...seriously...I did. Although I had taught Sunday School, children's church, lead small groups, sung in front of big congregations .... When i had to sit at the end of a table with so many uniforms and rank...i sorta kinda folded. I spoke to Debbie Wagner about the situation and she suggested ToastMasters. Ever heard of it? It's a club that simply allows people to work on their public speaking. I grew to love going...if it wasn't your week to speak in front of everyone, there were still exercises that caused you to have to speak spontaneously. I never became a pro but I did benefit greatly. Starting up speech this semester just reminded me of steps I've taken in the past to be where I am today. I remember what I told, the now, Commander Blanton, during one of my earlier interviews..."I want to continue to learn, to grow, so I can be of service to those I meet.
Growing is good...painful sometimes, but very good...and well worth it.
Looks like 2011 is going to have growing pains...I'm ready...and God knows, behind a bit. May He always find me faithful...and during this semester, may I not be "speechless."
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Tis the Season...
Yesterday, I was overwhelmed by my thoughts…thoughts of so many loved ones and friends experiencing difficult times. And I desperately want to help them…I want to make it better…I want to comfort and bless them. So many…who lost loved ones, adjusting to losing their Moma, their father, their husband, their wife, their child, their beloved pet, their friend…and the ones who have family members who can’t be home for Christmas, our service men and women…the friends and family who have marital issues and are no longer together, the children who suffer because of it…those adjusting to a new way of life…those who are lonely and feel there is no one who cares…those who struggle financially, who find Christmas time a burden…those who are caring for a terminally ill loved one…and so on.
I am a giver by nature. I want to make bad things good…I want to help in any way I can. Yesterday, I was overwhelmed by the thoughts of the people I love that are hurting and in need. And I asked God in a furious fashion…what can I do? I cannot fix these things!
Suddenly, I was given a thought... “Tis the season.”
Then…” For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given, and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, Almighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Peace of Peace.”
Lastly, “I sent a comforter.”
And I was reminded, I am not the one. He sent the “One” who can comfort, counsel, and provide…and we chose to celebrate his birthday at this time.
Relax, Donna…they are in good hands.
I am a giver by nature. I want to make bad things good…I want to help in any way I can. Yesterday, I was overwhelmed by the thoughts of the people I love that are hurting and in need. And I asked God in a furious fashion…what can I do? I cannot fix these things!
Suddenly, I was given a thought... “Tis the season.”
Then…” For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given, and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, Almighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Peace of Peace.”
Lastly, “I sent a comforter.”
And I was reminded, I am not the one. He sent the “One” who can comfort, counsel, and provide…and we chose to celebrate his birthday at this time.
Relax, Donna…they are in good hands.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
12/13/2010
Gracelyn Kaye Lowery, born today,12/13/2010 @ 2:04 PM weighing 7 lbs 8 ozs. measuring 19 1/2"
Ariel is doing very well...she stuck with her choice of going natural and was a real labor hall queen. Deep into her labor, she had nurses telling her to "stop smiling, you're in labor."
Gracie and Mimi
Ariel is doing very well...she stuck with her choice of going natural and was a real labor hall queen. Deep into her labor, she had nurses telling her to "stop smiling, you're in labor."
Gracie and Mimi
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Seasonal Thinking?
Totally off the wall here, definitely not with the season, but I’m struggling with my thinking. Maybe, it’s missing the regular event that Moma would bake Christmas cookies and come to the house, with Merry Christmas wishes, and Moma isn’t here. Maybe, it’s the anticipation of my fifth grandchild, who like most children is taking her sweet time. Maybe, it’s Craig’s and Becky’s separation and my dread for the stress it will put on him and Emily. Maybe, it’s William being sworn into the Marines on Wednesday. Maybe, it’s starting school again and knowing that I am obtaining this Bachelor’s degree to insure a possible advancement down the road. Maybe, it’s because I took off two weeks and I feel like a slacker. Maybe, it’s just “tis the season.” Whatever the case, I’m struggling with my thinking.
I shoveled some snow, driveways/sidewalks …I went in and visited with Granny after shoveling for her. She (age 87) sadly looked out the window and said, “It’s hard watching, remembering I used to do that myself and enjoyed it.” Then I went to Aunt Juanita’s and after I finished, she met me at the shed in her back yard with salt she wanted me to put down. When I came back to gather her and help make sure the shed was secure, she (age 89) looked up at me and grinned. “We could have been a team if I were younger, shoveling driveways, cleaning up the snow. “ Yes, I’m certain we could have been.”
And I am hit with how life is really hard on us. You spend all of your years learning to do things, mastering, achieving, only to become unable to do what you learned and enjoyed to do. There are struggles within us, that once conquered become yet a different struggle. At a time when I am anticipating life, and wanting this to speed up…I find myself wanting things to slow down, too.
If I were to leave the world today…know that I love deeply…I wanted to give beyond what I was able to give….I longed for everyone to be happy and content in their lives…and if the good Lord allows me to grow older and older…know that I’m scared…and I’m not liking this.
I shoveled some snow, driveways/sidewalks …I went in and visited with Granny after shoveling for her. She (age 87) sadly looked out the window and said, “It’s hard watching, remembering I used to do that myself and enjoyed it.” Then I went to Aunt Juanita’s and after I finished, she met me at the shed in her back yard with salt she wanted me to put down. When I came back to gather her and help make sure the shed was secure, she (age 89) looked up at me and grinned. “We could have been a team if I were younger, shoveling driveways, cleaning up the snow. “ Yes, I’m certain we could have been.”
And I am hit with how life is really hard on us. You spend all of your years learning to do things, mastering, achieving, only to become unable to do what you learned and enjoyed to do. There are struggles within us, that once conquered become yet a different struggle. At a time when I am anticipating life, and wanting this to speed up…I find myself wanting things to slow down, too.
If I were to leave the world today…know that I love deeply…I wanted to give beyond what I was able to give….I longed for everyone to be happy and content in their lives…and if the good Lord allows me to grow older and older…know that I’m scared…and I’m not liking this.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
My House is Very Small...
Last night my house was so full of past, present and future…love and friendship, that it should have burst at the seams.
As we gathered to shower Ariel with gifts that would assist her in caring for the newest addition…I was overwhelmed by the treasures I held in my little home. The whole scene reminded me to step back and pay tribute to the years past, present and future. Although everyone could not make it, as it was scheduled on a weekday, so many did and I am counting my blessings this morning.
My little secretive daughter, Ariel, had a secret guest she had no idea would attend. Ms. Maggie. Ms. Maggie babysat Ariel and Craig when they were little (Ariel was a baby) and I worked at Pizza Hut. So many years go. Maggie’s son Shaun couldn’t say Ariel so they nicknamed her “EO.” She is a trusted soul and I never worried about how my children were treated as she cared for them. She is a loving caring soul. We remained friends and our children enjoyed birthday parties and Ariel’s nickname stuck…that even Ed calls her that that still.
Ed came in with his wife, Charlotte. Ed goes all the way back to Papa’s adolescent days. Charlotte is new in the past recent years. He was there when Craig threw his infamous fit at the age of five…and oh, were we ever so embarrassed. I was cleaning his house when Craig got his head stuck under Ed’s privacy fence. Ed rode to Florida on a family trip with us, on his motorcycle when all the younguns were younguns and William wasn’t even borne. Charlotte and Ed went on a trip with us again, William the only youngun this time…and yes, they were on a motorcycle.
Connie, Papa’s Moma, and Jan, his sister was a part of that adolescent world of Papa’s when Ed entered. They were able to attend last night, too. So many showers ago…just think, Jan was around when Connie was pregnant with Papa and I wonder if she attended a shower with Connie for her brother in Taiwan 54 years ago. I am overwhelmed when I think of the connections through out lives and the plans God unfolds. Connie, as she sat there watching her granddaughter open gifts…did you realize Connie so many years ago that you would be blessed with so many lives? Even though George, due to the link being broken, did not get to meet Ariel’s new addition, he is with us in our hearts and the chain will link again someday. I know you miss sharing these events with him.
Aunt Juanita was happy to see you, Connie. Two ladies that have lived long blessed lives, had to say goodbye to their life long partners, both military wives, sat across from each other bringing so many pieces of history to my home. Oh, the wealth of experience they bring to me, to the younger women in the room. How many baby showers have they been to? How many babies have they held? Aunt Juanita will be 90 in January…and I can’t even type that without my eyes tearing up. I remember a valuable lesson that she took the time to teach me when I was young. We all had balloons, and like most children, mine escaped. I reached up and tried to take over Aunt Juanita’s balloon, who carried one, too…cause she’s got a bit of kid in her heart. She lifted her balloon hand out of my reach and did not let me take over. She may have never realized it, but her taking the time to talk to me about being greedy and expectant, was a very valuable lesson. Aunt Juanita was always there for Moma…and Granny, her partner in crime…when have they not been a team? They even share the same birth month. Granny will be 88 in January. I remember when I was 6 visiting in Lexington, going to the park with Granny, and her sliding down the slide with me. I remember it like it was today. She has ALWAYS been spunky! They have always been so giving. The many folks they have ministered to in nursing homes over the years are insurmountable. And Granny, still sweet, Granny, last night coaxed over little Henry, whom she’s never met before, and fed him some cupcake icing. And they both grinned like they had been friends forever.
Henry, Nancy’s grandson and Darcy, her granddaughter shined on everyone last night. Not real clear as to why Noel took to barking at the car seat that Darcy was in but let’s bet she get’s over the car seat fetish real soon, like starting in December. Aunt Nancy…reminded me last night during a game something I had forgotten…how much Ariel wanted to be “Aunt Nancy” when Ariel was wee little. She loved Aunt Nancy so much, she wanted to be Aunt Nancy. She requested I even call her Nancy. Nancy has introduced me to so many things that has changed my life….simple things, like shrimp…and yet, future inspiring and altering things like Southern Early Learning Lab and Ms Elswick. Nancy is a beautiful person and has touched so many lives. Her grandchildren will learn, as they are learning everyday, that her touch in their lives is one in a million. Darcy is Jen’s newest…Jen has so fervently fought to adopt Avery and longs to have her home. I think God appreciates her love for a child so far away, and her protective instinct to fight for her that He has blessed her with another…Darcy. And Jen is happy to receive the blessing. And again…I remind you that my small little home should have been bursting at the seams last night. Henry is Sarah’s little one…and what a horrible aunt I was for planning Ariel’s shower on Sarah’s birthday!!! Nancy brought Henry with her since Sarah also had a class to attend…so really, her teacher is just as awful as me! Melissa, Nancy’s youngest…and well, although she still has that title, she quite the young woman. She has been through an ordeal…and yet she travels the road before her with strong will and determination that she is a warrior I admire. A beautiful warrior, I will add…inside and out.
Henry, Nancy’s grandson was born in the same hospital, the same day just hours before Delva’s twins. Delva is my neighbor of at least 12 years. Aurora, Crysta and Shaila came with her last night. Just three of her five. Crysta and Shaila campaigned for Henry and James (one of the twins) to get together. Sweet little big sisters looking out for sweet baby James. Aurora came to my care when she was 6 months and I continued to babysit after Crysta was born. I do not walk out in our yard when the girls are playing without receiving a warm “Hello, Mimi!” Even when they have company…even when I stop by during work to visit the ladies room…never failing…and all this talk about moving my sweet neighbors away…I try to escape from the thought. As we played a game last night, one of the questions being, “What did Craig entice Ariel to stick up her nose at the age of five?” I was reminded of Aurora…and how she stuck a piece of chicken up her nose and how I had to work at removing it…in front of her patient Moma. Oh, the memories.
A neighbor on the left, a neighbor on the right…I call her Andy, her real name is Jennifer. I’m telling you…look around you…there are jewels you don’t want to miss! I met Andy through Ariel. Ariel in her young entrepreneur state went looking for business…dog walking business…at least 11 years ago. Further in the years, Andy helped assist me in getting ready for the physical testing with Metro. She helped me with running and set ups…and her words of encouragement are remembered to this day. She helped with the party last night…and her daughter, Lilly was with her…Lilly, a perfect name for a blossoming soul. She wanted to be here…she felt the love and excitement…and I was glad she came. I’ve even seen her outside lately playing with Shaila…I love the connection. Andy’s dog Bosco was Winston’s best friend. Buds, they were…and maybe they are at the rainbow bridge enjoying each other’s company again.
Oh, and the connection between Molly and Crysta. The giggly gals, who were together as babies as I babysat are still enjoying each other’s company. Rosie got her a bit late due to car troubles…but the joy on Crysta’s face when Molly did walk through the door! Jacob’s face when he walked in…was like, “Ew, all these women…get me to safety!” Rosie…what a Moma you are…homeschooling Molly and Jacob…they are so enjoying it. I am so enjoying watching you. Oh, “Ms. run off to California”…so glad you got through that spell…and learned from it. Thinking about you running off to California….and then riding up to Maine with me…I smile…all the roads you’ve traveled. Oh, how I loved seeing you and Missy standing at the bar chatting. Be still my beating heart.
Athena, Kylie and Leah were able to be here, too for a short time. Athena homeschooled her little ones for a period. I homeschooled her husband for a period too. Garrett is a favorite that I don’t get to see as often as I’d like. He and Athena are such a pair. And Athena, did I hear you correctly amidst the wildness in my home? You aren’t moving to Florida? I have been given a second chance…not to blow it this time. We have to get together more often. I need to pull photos of Kylie playing with Silas, and our trip to the museum…Kylie has to remember those moments. I need to create moments with Leah, too.
Papa turned to me as we glanced through the photos, that I didn’t get enough of…and points to Tiffany. Who is this, he asked. Oh, Papa, she has slept at our house, Ariel has slept at her house. A teenage friend, from Ariel’s adolescence…like Ed is to yours. He said, “I didn’t recognize her. She’s a beautiful woman, now.” Yeah, they don’t stay little…and when I showed him photos of her son and daughter, I thought he’d flip his gourd…”No way,” he said. “How does it happen?”
How does it happen?
I wonder myself as I see Becky moving around assisting with the shower festivities, without me even asking. I see her standing with my daughters in past gatherings, captured by film…I see her smiling at Craig on their wedding day. I see her in the labor room ready to give birth to Emily and being a real trouper despite how her labor day did not go as she had dreamed it to. And sadness fills my heart as she and Craig are separating…and I am losing a daughter. Emily is losing her little family unit. Oh, how I pray and wish my experience, my love could help mend this family, so dear to me. I am reminded that I cannot fix all things, I cannot began to understand but God in His infinite wisdom and power is in control…and nothing happens to my loved ones that isn’t filtered through His hands. I must trust and obey.
Obey…I smile thinking about it…something Emily did not want to do as she left last night and even after she arrived home. She did not want the party to be over. She cried, in her over dramatic way, as she talked to me over the phone, “I want you to hold me, Mimi, I want my Mimi.” Funny, just the night before when she was in the bed at MIMI’S house, she was crying, “I want my Daddy, I want my Mommy.” A first, but we had switched her to a “big girl” bed and the resistance to change comes from her father’s line. The only other child I know that had a hard time with bedtime was Molly.
Last night…was no different. As Jacob and Molly were giggling and chatting after the lights were out…no crying or fit throwing as in the younger years…but not a willing sleeper, still. I went into the room…again…with promises of moving Jacob out into the living room…but with desperate pleads of go to sleep so I can… they did. The night ended with everyone falling to sleep with a smile.
I lay there thankful for Ariel’s mother-in-law, Tammy. Who came to the shower, who has been such a blessing to Ariel, and has even taught her to crochet. She helped clean up after the shower and got Ariel and Noel all packed up and ready to head for home. This will be Tammy’s first grandchild…and she’s anxious and I am happy she will get to experience the “Nana” in her life. She has a love for children and it shows in the younguns involved in her life. She’s in for a real treat!
Even though Moma couldn’t be with us…yet, another broken chain…to be linked again later as God calls us home one by one…I made one of the gifts given to the game winners, a tribute to Moma…a plague that said, “Life is a journey not a destination.” And it had a butterfly on it…it was one way of having her here with us. She had quite a journey, even though it was too short.
At the end…Ariel was swollen and tired…she sat on the floor after all the guests left admiring her precious baby things that will soon encase her “little cupcake.” I know she is anxious. She wants everything to be just right. She is keenly aware of the connections of past, present and future here in our home. She is after my own heart. People are important to her, memories are precious to her and she is about to embark on a mission that will change her forever…and for the better…and she will fulfill the role of a mommy as she has always dreamed she would…and I will remember…the day she was born and placed in my arms, her holding me close, her precious funny faces, her precious way of reading my mind as a very young child, her little toes and the fuzz she loved to pick out of them, her love for her family from day one, and I will remind her…to savor the flavor of each day…to be consciously aware that time brings roses, and on the “bad mommy days” not to focus on the thorns…to stop and smell the roses…and to always come home because my little house needs the warmth…it’s a small house, but it holds a wealth of love.
As we gathered to shower Ariel with gifts that would assist her in caring for the newest addition…I was overwhelmed by the treasures I held in my little home. The whole scene reminded me to step back and pay tribute to the years past, present and future. Although everyone could not make it, as it was scheduled on a weekday, so many did and I am counting my blessings this morning.
My little secretive daughter, Ariel, had a secret guest she had no idea would attend. Ms. Maggie. Ms. Maggie babysat Ariel and Craig when they were little (Ariel was a baby) and I worked at Pizza Hut. So many years go. Maggie’s son Shaun couldn’t say Ariel so they nicknamed her “EO.” She is a trusted soul and I never worried about how my children were treated as she cared for them. She is a loving caring soul. We remained friends and our children enjoyed birthday parties and Ariel’s nickname stuck…that even Ed calls her that that still.
Ed came in with his wife, Charlotte. Ed goes all the way back to Papa’s adolescent days. Charlotte is new in the past recent years. He was there when Craig threw his infamous fit at the age of five…and oh, were we ever so embarrassed. I was cleaning his house when Craig got his head stuck under Ed’s privacy fence. Ed rode to Florida on a family trip with us, on his motorcycle when all the younguns were younguns and William wasn’t even borne. Charlotte and Ed went on a trip with us again, William the only youngun this time…and yes, they were on a motorcycle.
Connie, Papa’s Moma, and Jan, his sister was a part of that adolescent world of Papa’s when Ed entered. They were able to attend last night, too. So many showers ago…just think, Jan was around when Connie was pregnant with Papa and I wonder if she attended a shower with Connie for her brother in Taiwan 54 years ago. I am overwhelmed when I think of the connections through out lives and the plans God unfolds. Connie, as she sat there watching her granddaughter open gifts…did you realize Connie so many years ago that you would be blessed with so many lives? Even though George, due to the link being broken, did not get to meet Ariel’s new addition, he is with us in our hearts and the chain will link again someday. I know you miss sharing these events with him.
Aunt Juanita was happy to see you, Connie. Two ladies that have lived long blessed lives, had to say goodbye to their life long partners, both military wives, sat across from each other bringing so many pieces of history to my home. Oh, the wealth of experience they bring to me, to the younger women in the room. How many baby showers have they been to? How many babies have they held? Aunt Juanita will be 90 in January…and I can’t even type that without my eyes tearing up. I remember a valuable lesson that she took the time to teach me when I was young. We all had balloons, and like most children, mine escaped. I reached up and tried to take over Aunt Juanita’s balloon, who carried one, too…cause she’s got a bit of kid in her heart. She lifted her balloon hand out of my reach and did not let me take over. She may have never realized it, but her taking the time to talk to me about being greedy and expectant, was a very valuable lesson. Aunt Juanita was always there for Moma…and Granny, her partner in crime…when have they not been a team? They even share the same birth month. Granny will be 88 in January. I remember when I was 6 visiting in Lexington, going to the park with Granny, and her sliding down the slide with me. I remember it like it was today. She has ALWAYS been spunky! They have always been so giving. The many folks they have ministered to in nursing homes over the years are insurmountable. And Granny, still sweet, Granny, last night coaxed over little Henry, whom she’s never met before, and fed him some cupcake icing. And they both grinned like they had been friends forever.
Henry, Nancy’s grandson and Darcy, her granddaughter shined on everyone last night. Not real clear as to why Noel took to barking at the car seat that Darcy was in but let’s bet she get’s over the car seat fetish real soon, like starting in December. Aunt Nancy…reminded me last night during a game something I had forgotten…how much Ariel wanted to be “Aunt Nancy” when Ariel was wee little. She loved Aunt Nancy so much, she wanted to be Aunt Nancy. She requested I even call her Nancy. Nancy has introduced me to so many things that has changed my life….simple things, like shrimp…and yet, future inspiring and altering things like Southern Early Learning Lab and Ms Elswick. Nancy is a beautiful person and has touched so many lives. Her grandchildren will learn, as they are learning everyday, that her touch in their lives is one in a million. Darcy is Jen’s newest…Jen has so fervently fought to adopt Avery and longs to have her home. I think God appreciates her love for a child so far away, and her protective instinct to fight for her that He has blessed her with another…Darcy. And Jen is happy to receive the blessing. And again…I remind you that my small little home should have been bursting at the seams last night. Henry is Sarah’s little one…and what a horrible aunt I was for planning Ariel’s shower on Sarah’s birthday!!! Nancy brought Henry with her since Sarah also had a class to attend…so really, her teacher is just as awful as me! Melissa, Nancy’s youngest…and well, although she still has that title, she quite the young woman. She has been through an ordeal…and yet she travels the road before her with strong will and determination that she is a warrior I admire. A beautiful warrior, I will add…inside and out.
Henry, Nancy’s grandson was born in the same hospital, the same day just hours before Delva’s twins. Delva is my neighbor of at least 12 years. Aurora, Crysta and Shaila came with her last night. Just three of her five. Crysta and Shaila campaigned for Henry and James (one of the twins) to get together. Sweet little big sisters looking out for sweet baby James. Aurora came to my care when she was 6 months and I continued to babysit after Crysta was born. I do not walk out in our yard when the girls are playing without receiving a warm “Hello, Mimi!” Even when they have company…even when I stop by during work to visit the ladies room…never failing…and all this talk about moving my sweet neighbors away…I try to escape from the thought. As we played a game last night, one of the questions being, “What did Craig entice Ariel to stick up her nose at the age of five?” I was reminded of Aurora…and how she stuck a piece of chicken up her nose and how I had to work at removing it…in front of her patient Moma. Oh, the memories.
A neighbor on the left, a neighbor on the right…I call her Andy, her real name is Jennifer. I’m telling you…look around you…there are jewels you don’t want to miss! I met Andy through Ariel. Ariel in her young entrepreneur state went looking for business…dog walking business…at least 11 years ago. Further in the years, Andy helped assist me in getting ready for the physical testing with Metro. She helped me with running and set ups…and her words of encouragement are remembered to this day. She helped with the party last night…and her daughter, Lilly was with her…Lilly, a perfect name for a blossoming soul. She wanted to be here…she felt the love and excitement…and I was glad she came. I’ve even seen her outside lately playing with Shaila…I love the connection. Andy’s dog Bosco was Winston’s best friend. Buds, they were…and maybe they are at the rainbow bridge enjoying each other’s company again.
Oh, and the connection between Molly and Crysta. The giggly gals, who were together as babies as I babysat are still enjoying each other’s company. Rosie got her a bit late due to car troubles…but the joy on Crysta’s face when Molly did walk through the door! Jacob’s face when he walked in…was like, “Ew, all these women…get me to safety!” Rosie…what a Moma you are…homeschooling Molly and Jacob…they are so enjoying it. I am so enjoying watching you. Oh, “Ms. run off to California”…so glad you got through that spell…and learned from it. Thinking about you running off to California….and then riding up to Maine with me…I smile…all the roads you’ve traveled. Oh, how I loved seeing you and Missy standing at the bar chatting. Be still my beating heart.
Athena, Kylie and Leah were able to be here, too for a short time. Athena homeschooled her little ones for a period. I homeschooled her husband for a period too. Garrett is a favorite that I don’t get to see as often as I’d like. He and Athena are such a pair. And Athena, did I hear you correctly amidst the wildness in my home? You aren’t moving to Florida? I have been given a second chance…not to blow it this time. We have to get together more often. I need to pull photos of Kylie playing with Silas, and our trip to the museum…Kylie has to remember those moments. I need to create moments with Leah, too.
Papa turned to me as we glanced through the photos, that I didn’t get enough of…and points to Tiffany. Who is this, he asked. Oh, Papa, she has slept at our house, Ariel has slept at her house. A teenage friend, from Ariel’s adolescence…like Ed is to yours. He said, “I didn’t recognize her. She’s a beautiful woman, now.” Yeah, they don’t stay little…and when I showed him photos of her son and daughter, I thought he’d flip his gourd…”No way,” he said. “How does it happen?”
How does it happen?
I wonder myself as I see Becky moving around assisting with the shower festivities, without me even asking. I see her standing with my daughters in past gatherings, captured by film…I see her smiling at Craig on their wedding day. I see her in the labor room ready to give birth to Emily and being a real trouper despite how her labor day did not go as she had dreamed it to. And sadness fills my heart as she and Craig are separating…and I am losing a daughter. Emily is losing her little family unit. Oh, how I pray and wish my experience, my love could help mend this family, so dear to me. I am reminded that I cannot fix all things, I cannot began to understand but God in His infinite wisdom and power is in control…and nothing happens to my loved ones that isn’t filtered through His hands. I must trust and obey.
Obey…I smile thinking about it…something Emily did not want to do as she left last night and even after she arrived home. She did not want the party to be over. She cried, in her over dramatic way, as she talked to me over the phone, “I want you to hold me, Mimi, I want my Mimi.” Funny, just the night before when she was in the bed at MIMI’S house, she was crying, “I want my Daddy, I want my Mommy.” A first, but we had switched her to a “big girl” bed and the resistance to change comes from her father’s line. The only other child I know that had a hard time with bedtime was Molly.
Last night…was no different. As Jacob and Molly were giggling and chatting after the lights were out…no crying or fit throwing as in the younger years…but not a willing sleeper, still. I went into the room…again…with promises of moving Jacob out into the living room…but with desperate pleads of go to sleep so I can… they did. The night ended with everyone falling to sleep with a smile.
I lay there thankful for Ariel’s mother-in-law, Tammy. Who came to the shower, who has been such a blessing to Ariel, and has even taught her to crochet. She helped clean up after the shower and got Ariel and Noel all packed up and ready to head for home. This will be Tammy’s first grandchild…and she’s anxious and I am happy she will get to experience the “Nana” in her life. She has a love for children and it shows in the younguns involved in her life. She’s in for a real treat!
Even though Moma couldn’t be with us…yet, another broken chain…to be linked again later as God calls us home one by one…I made one of the gifts given to the game winners, a tribute to Moma…a plague that said, “Life is a journey not a destination.” And it had a butterfly on it…it was one way of having her here with us. She had quite a journey, even though it was too short.
At the end…Ariel was swollen and tired…she sat on the floor after all the guests left admiring her precious baby things that will soon encase her “little cupcake.” I know she is anxious. She wants everything to be just right. She is keenly aware of the connections of past, present and future here in our home. She is after my own heart. People are important to her, memories are precious to her and she is about to embark on a mission that will change her forever…and for the better…and she will fulfill the role of a mommy as she has always dreamed she would…and I will remember…the day she was born and placed in my arms, her holding me close, her precious funny faces, her precious way of reading my mind as a very young child, her little toes and the fuzz she loved to pick out of them, her love for her family from day one, and I will remind her…to savor the flavor of each day…to be consciously aware that time brings roses, and on the “bad mommy days” not to focus on the thorns…to stop and smell the roses…and to always come home because my little house needs the warmth…it’s a small house, but it holds a wealth of love.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Those Magic Moments....
Three separate times during Emily's weekend visit, she held her bare little arms out to her sides, looking up and down each one, shaking her head in dismay, saying, "Mimi, no wings."
She was melting my heart all weekend. At lunch today, she suddenly stopped eating and asked with great concern, "Mimi, where's Finston?" "Oh, baby," I said, "Winston is with Grandma at the rainbow bridge." She said, "Me go, too." And I said, "No, baby, it's not our time to go." She then took my hand and reached for William's across the table asked to pray. And I prayed while she mumbled along, asking God to let Grandma and Winston know we said hello and ...and we love and miss them.
Yesterday in the bathroom, she was trying to manage a water bottle by herself and spilled it...all over my Kevlar vest pieces that I had out of the cover (doing laundry)..."Sorry, Mimi." she said as I grabbed a towel. "It's okay" I said. I ...continued to mop it up and she saw it had gotten on my iphone. She was so distressed, "So sorry, Mimi."
"It's okay, sweetie, nothing to worry your pretty little head over." She stopped and took my face in her hands and said with a chuckle, "Pretty little head. Mimi. You silly." LOVED IT!
I took her shopping today...FYI...she is a shopping Diva! I would point out things and she would let me know if they were not her taste. "No, that's yucky, Mimi." Or, as t...he buggy rolled along dresses, "Mimi, Mimi, stop! I like it! I picked up a pink frilly skirt and held it up. "I like it, I like it. No pink, Mimi. Purple." OMG! We looked at cowgirl boots. I pull a brown/purple pair off the shelf, she says, "Oh, pink, pink!"
When we got home and I was putting the purple skirt on her and getting out the boots so she could play with Shaila...she said with her fingers laced in front of her, "Mimi, me so excited!"
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