aclaypot4him

Reading Into Things

2012-01-26T10:52:00.002-05:00

It was one of those images that stay with you even though it was only in your view for seconds. Driving the interstate back from North Carolina, to my right, in a field where there the terrain was hilly. There were cattle at the bottom of the hill grazing. There were cattle at the top of the hill moving slowly as if to make the trek to the base. The whole scene for seconds had a tranquil taste to it. And then there was the calf. Black with white markings on his neck and feet, he was running around the group at the top of the hill, he was running down the hill, he was running back up part way and running back down again.

I thought to myself, what a wonderful children’s book displayed before this fearless traveler’s eyes. “The Calf That Ran Everywhere He Went” would be a suitable title as I explored the plot that revealed a happy but anxious calf that came to learn the essence of grazing and slowing down to absorb life. “Ferdinand the Bull”, was quite the opposite of this frocking lad, and had learned there were treasures missed if one moved too quickly through the day. This little guy had a rush, rush to him that would have created motion sickness to Ferdinand.

Of course, my thoughts drifted off to other things as the hum of the highway counted down the miles to home. Thoughts of not slowing to enjoy life. Thoughts of wondering what’s next. Thoughts of I have to, I have to…do, do, do…this, this, this. Only to arrive home and see the lonely tractor that sits unmoved for almost a year now in the back field. There’s a children’s story, in that scene, too. “Nobody’s Tractor” reminds me of opposite of what I am striving for. Turned out to pasture, no longer needed, no longer looked after, just a silent reminder that one is useful for only so long.

I know it’s easy to think, geez, girl…you went from frolicking to abandoned…and this has slowing become depressing. Well, that’s where you’re wrong…enters Daisy. God has allowed Daisy to interrupt those deep thoughts…with events such as rolling in wildlife dung and getting sprayed by a skunk in less than a 12 hour period. Yes, when she came in the back door with her head hung, and globs of the most god awfully smelling feces dangling from her ears like a new set of earrings, it was just before I had to leave for work. So an emergency bath took place…only to come home at 2 AM, let her out and her whole face get sprayed by a smaller in size “Pepe Le Pew.” So then the title, “The Dog Who Likes to Get Sh**faced” changes my writing genre and shakes any depressing thoughts. Somehow, cleaning poo off of my Daisy gives me purpose…I’m not for sure what that says about me. In any case, it makes me smile.

Waking Up to Sunshine

2012-01-08T10:03:00.003-05:00

Although some will argue that every day the sun comes up…I will insist that sunshine is not always a factor. However, on the days when the sun does shine brightly across the floors of the house, the yards, gets tangled in stained glass or areas of water, streaks across the ceilings as I drink my liquid life, I am inclined to know this day has all the main ingredients of a recipe for a good day.

Recipes…ever had that day were you had to make a cake…look in the frig and no eggs to be found? With no time to run to the store you hit a search engine to locate a possible detour. You might even run over to a neighbor’s and borrow their (sunshine) eggs. Some cooks store a (sunshine) egg substitute. Whether it is cupcakes you need for your child’s class or a birthday cake; the task is at hand you and are without. The search for an alternate route takes place.

I have found that sunshine is an important variable in my every day equation. I want to be able to work with variables. With variables the equation is solved and I move onto the next problem. With sunshine as a constant variable the problems are always easier for me to solve. Believe me; it has a constant value in my world.

Sometimes I think too much…yeah, I’ve been told that once or twice. So, I won’t put all the ingredients I could into this creation, skipping the red velvet and keeping with a simple white cake. I’ll just stand and hold my face to the sun…feel the warmth on my face, know there are no promises that I will face it tomorrow and be thankful, that this day began with sunshine. Days with sunshine make this tart sweeter…

Christmas inspired Thoughts

2011-12-15T12:07:00.005-05:00

Thinking...that I will continue to search...for peace...for understanding...and for acceptance. Acceptance of the here and now...of the past...acceptance of who and where I am...Guess, one might say, "that's an awesome Christmas wish."

Cause..."Life just happens, can't be explained or figured out." Why fight it?

You know Mary and Joseph were searching for a place to rest...the wise men were searching for the majestic...Herod was searching for his rival...we're all searching...maybe we don't give ourselves whole heartedly to the search, maybe it lays dormant at times...but we're searching.

I believe we each are searching for meaning... for peace within...and we focus differently but the trek is the same. And some "wander" while others "wonder." ...and that's what Christmas brings...a gift of peace ... A babe innocent ...that with time (time being what most see as an enemy) with time becomes the substitute for worry...for weakness...for shear strength...the answer to the mystery.

Because the mystery is impossible for our human minds to solve...God provided a focus point...Jesus...who can BE the ultimate gift if we let Him...providing everything we need so that we don't have to figure out the mystery...taking the "whys" and giving us meaning. Providing peace if we rest in what He offers.

I guess that's why wise men still seek Him.

Happy Mind = Happy Body?

2011-12-07T01:08:00.002-05:00

She felt raggedy and puny. The days wore on and she visited her physician. The tests were run and symptoms diagnosed, antibiotics to be taken, calls to be returned upon results. The world literally spun around her and she fought back the only way she knew how. Sharp stabbing pains in her side would cause her fight to seem of minor effort.

Four nights straight she went to sleep at insanely early hours. She napped during the day. And still she felt dizzy, raggedy and puny…the dishes piled up in the sink, the dog hair floated around the floor in tumbleweed style, and toys littered the floors in every room. Had she showered? She knew she hadn’t but took pride in the accomplishment of having brushed her teeth.

He said, “Happy mind=Happy body”…and she felt as if she were slapped. Now, her mind started playing tricks on her. “Are you so crazy, girl that you have conjured this up?” “Have you made your body sick?” Only the day before, another had said, “Antibiotic? And they don’t even know what is going on?” And the reminder of “stay in the driver’s seat” rang clear in her mind. As the room spun and the symptoms created distraction, she was keenly aware…

Aware of what had to happen. Aware that therapy was essential to her survival efforts. So she commenced to clean…the three days worth of dishes, removing the dust cover from articles all through the house, sucking up the tumbleweeds, wiping, cleaning, moping, renewing. Renewing faith in her, proving she can conquer the lingering darkness her mind had placed on her body. And she cleaned from early evening past her recent early turn in hours and into the midnight hours.

As she showered she felt she washed off the negative dust that was clinging to her, the shadows of doubt flowing down the drain along with the bubbly wash. Drying off was more of a finish she placed on her happy body. The lotion simply created a barrier for future invaders.

She had completed her “therapy” and was ready to sleep. Her mind so busy with thought. The once exhausted mind was revived and ready to think…think…think…but as in any situations she had choices…choices to calm her spirit and sleep…of stay awake pondering until duty called early the next morn.

The dark room was quite except for the gentle sound of the piano music…and she smiled as her head lay on the pillow…cause she knew…she knew sleep is always sweeter if she smiles as she drifts off.

Fresh Christmas Trees

2011-12-05T19:46:00.006-05:00

So, meet my Christmas tree...a little on the under dressed side but she'll clean up good...

I got her at the Christmas Tree lot my super duper friends own...

Located on the side of Meijer's on West Reynold's...

Their trees were freshly cut unlike those of the chain competitors that had their's cut in October.

Great prices...the lowest in town....and discounts for LEO's

There is a suprise character you will never meet unless you go check out their site...

Cut and wrapped

Daisy recommends their trees...and wants to work on the lot with The Willis'

Go check out their trees...and their deals.

Daisy says come on out ya'll...(being female, none of the trees were defiled)

Project Coffee Cup

2011-11-27T12:32:00.006-05:00

It was suggested by an important person in my life to make a collage...cause I like doing that kind of project...and sometime after she suggested it, I saw a travel coffee cup at Starbucks (my BFF) that was made to allow you to collage things and preserve it...carry them around with you and your brew...

I FINALLY got around to applying the photos I cut out of magazines and all to it...I like it...Pikachu supervised...I think she approves, too. In a catty sort of way, which by the way, carries a lot of authority!

It's probably going to make me drink more coffee...and smile more...and well, ain't nothin wrong with that.

They say coffee makes your mind sharper...this might just assist with that in several ways.

Triggers

2011-11-11T10:23:00.002-05:00

The other night at work, I was on a call to assist Hospice. Apparently the narcotics prescribed to the dying mother were being used by a family member. She was out of medicine again, experiencing great pain. Hospice didn’t feel safe entering the house alone. I went there twice that night with them. The house was dirty and cluttered, too small for the five that were living there. Not a home I would want my mother in to slowly watch her life pass away.

The patient probably weighed 85 lbs. Her eyes protruding as her flesh was shrinking. She was frail as frail could be. And I thought of Moma. I live with what could I have done better. What if I had taken her to a specialist out of state. I am sure I am not the only child of a cancer victim that feels that way.

Moma had more fight in her in the last days than I had seen in her the entire time I knew her. I think she was able to have this fight because she leaned on people she loved instead of pulling away.

I believe it is easier for me to pull away, as I don’t want anyone to see or know my weaknesses. But I’ve yet to master that “not thinking” trick and so it stays with me and keeps life’s trauma’s in my face.

Who Wears The Collar

2011-11-09T09:32:00.004-05:00

Daisy stands on her back legs beside my bed, raking my face with her sandpaper paws. The sun is up, she tells me as she licks my hand and refuses to let me sleep.

Who Wears The Collar?

Dragging myself out of bed, the air is chilly outside; I haven’t even had time to get coffee in a cup. She somehow gets me out into the yard to play ball.

Who Wears The Collar?

I know she just went out as I get busy around the house, but this is the fifth time she stands at the back door whining. She is NOT in need of relieving herself.

Who Wears The Collar?

I can gather my stuff, to work on something, placing everything on the cocktail table. It become inevitable, I must choose a different seat as Daisy now occupies the area she decided I was prepping for her.

Who Wears The Collar?

Workout on the floor means I am in her territory. Pushups and such become an act of play…try to move with a 75 lb dog sitting on your stomach.

Who Wears The Collar?

Leaving to run errands can be tricky. If the truck door is open and I turn my back, Daisy loads herself in. I come back to the truck to find her proud and ready for travel. And the struggle begans.

Who Wears The Collar?

She drops the ball at my feet as I get dressed for work reminding me we’ve only played ball 10 times today. She sees her chances slimming for more. The uniform means Moma is leaving. She rests her head and her ball on the window sill and the pout goes on.

Yeah, Just Who Wears The Collar?

Daisy Days

2011-11-04T10:08:00.004-04:00

The other morning I let Daisy out and didn’t notice Pickacu had left a little field mouse lying on the patio. The little grey thing lying there on its back, legs in the air, white belly showing. I did noticed though as Daisy flipped to her back putting her legs and the air and looking to her side where the little mouse lay in the same position. How could I miss it…

This morning she found a dead mole. She flipped it up in the air, rolled on it, and desperately attempted to entice it to play. She has carted her friend all over the yard. When she brought it to the back door to gain entrance to my home, sweet, home…I said, “at-at, Daisy, you aren’t bringing that in here.” She gently laid it down and came in without it…I think she said, “ah, Mooooom,” under her dog breath…which by the way I probably don’t need to mention is tainted by rodent germs.

She stood by the door a bit later, barking and growling at a blue heron in the field, sparked and wanted to ensue attack on this long legged creature who dare approach her domain. Honestly, after the groundhog incident I don’t want to under estimate her ability so I opened the door in such a way to alert the heron that “something wicked, it’s way comes.” Daisy lit out offer it! Its five to six foot wing span was incredible and did not seem to intimidate my furry child. She pranced all about attempting to establish her authority over the terrain…and “blue” flew away.

She loves cooler temps…I love her.

Because I'm a Giver....

2011-10-17T21:37:00.001-04:00

There's only a few stars

And it's a little eerie out here.

I can't see daisy but I can hear her collar.

She's blitzing through the field.

Even though darkness covers the view, it's really awesome out here.

The feathery clouds over the dark sky with patches of clear and starry sky behind the layers.

the glow from a far away house.

And the trees with their limbs reaching out in the darkness.

The hum of the world going on around me.

The air is nice.

Crisp against my face…

The fields are alive…come walk with me.

A Daisy Filled Morning

2011-08-11T08:46:00.003-04:00

So, Daisy lost her ball...and this morning as soon as the day began, after the routine morning wake up, she brings this rope to me, (as depicted in the first photo) and says, "You know, Moma, me having to settle for this rope instead of waking up to my ball is like you having to settle for a glass of tea instead of your treasured coffee."

I have to say, I felt her pain.

So, we went on a hunt for her beloved ball and found it under the bed. She eagerly followed me to the laundry room to retrieve the broom, saying, "Now, we're talking, Now we're talking!" (You know when dogs get real excited, they repeat themselves).

Ball from under the bed, I bounced it a few times for her to jump up and catch and then posted in the bed with MY morning treasure and began to sip.

Daisy jumps in the bed...and of course, gets in my face and has a total different expression from 10 minutes before (as depicted in the second photo). I was vaguely reminded of the importance balls play in life (click on the link later and read). I remind her it's Moma's "me time" and so as the last photo captures, she posts waiting again for "her time."

*Click on the photo to get a larger version...her expressions are pretty freaking adorable.

Keeping my Head Above the Clouds.

2011-08-09T08:29:00.002-04:00

I was able to tread water yesterday…barely keeping my head above the waves, looking for any passing object that I could grab a hold of to steady my struggle…

And eventually the day ended. I went to bed with a smile. (You should always smile when you lay down for the night…it makes your sleep sweeter).

This morning, as I prepare for an extremely busy day, Daisy told me it was safe for me to toss ball with her so we ventured outside with “the ball” and “the coffee.”
She’s right you know I am able to throw ball without it hurting. Daisy is so doggone smart! Of course, as she runs through the field on her retrieve and return mission, I am left to sip my coffee and absorb the morning.

Big grey clouds were blowing across the skies, presenting a chance of rain, but blowing by so quickly the chances were slim. Huge grey clouds tossed by the wind, hovering; threatening to make for a gloomy day.

But if I shifted my gaze…cause it was like a 3D picture…and looked beyond the threat of gloom, I could see the baby blue sky with virgin white summer clouds, that look like puffy cotton. One sky, two views. Today I think I’ll focus on the promise that hangs in view behind the grey.

Living...breathing...

2011-07-16T10:22:00.007-04:00

For the past week, Pikachu and Daisy has experienced great difficulty in relaxing outdoors. The heat hasn’t been a problem, mind you, it’s Heckle and Jeckle. Two mockingbirds with major territorial issues. Suddenly this land belongs to them and they are willing to “flight” to the death to establish the fact with my precious pooch and my goddess kitty.

I continue to watch their behaviors and think to myself that I am gonna grab my camera and I never do. I just watch. I watch the sorry bird brains chase my cat in doors with her ears laid back, looking like she’s trying to get away from a fire where the flames are about to lick her furry pajamas. I watch Daisy try to protect her kitty, despite the realities of the relationship and how it is so similar to Odie and Garfield. She chases the mouthy mockingbirds away from Pika and watches them intently from the ground as they sit in the tree or on the wires and mock, yes, that’s why they are called mockingbirds, and mock they do. I watch and I listen to their constant thug like dribble. I listen to Pika chatter back at them…and they just mock back. I never get to my camera. I never catch her lying on the back patio rolling onto her back teasing them to try and come peck her so she can with one swipe of an out stretched claw remind them of the furry pajama goddess and her reign. I never catch them swooping down and pecking her behind as they chatter something about cats are not wanted here. I guess it’s just something you’d have to see for yourself.

This morning…I sat on the front porch as Pika and Daisy were on the back patio with Heckle and Jeckle. The constant chatter takes away from the morning coffee experience. So while they discussed things I sipped my liquid life in semi quiet on the front porch. Then Heckle showed up…I told him if he kept bothering me I’d send his feathers flying through the air in an unattached way. I ain’t playing this crazy game. He got quiet and I watched as he flew to the big pine in the front circle. He landed on the ground and assessed, yes, a baby. He flew to it and flew away. I think he was sizing up the situation. Poor bird brain…there is no situation to size up. Once they have fallen…it’s a no win situation. Well, it would be win for Pikachu if I shared the finding. I thought, “Ha! Serves you right!”

Then I went out and looked at it. Innocent…brought into this world by nature without asking. Lying exposed and vulnerable on the ground making itself flat as it could to be less noticeable to prey.

…and my heart…doesn’t feel the hate anymore…it feels compassion…

I located the nest in the tree…geez, so high and I am so short. I know I can’t touch it or the parents will peck it to death. So I gather my equipment, latex gloves, my camera (just in case I get a chance to shoot it), a small pail and my truck keys. I size up how far back I can back up. I line my truck up under the nest. Oh, I haven’t mentioned how Heckle and Jeckle are as angry as wet birds…

I rub my latex gloves on the ground and on the tree limbs to eliminate as much human odor that I can. And I get little baby in the pail. She jumps and runs. I chase her and put her back in the pail. Heckle and Jeckle are out of their minds. I climb the truck and stand on the bed cover. When I go to dump the lost soul into the nest, its siblings think I’m there to feed them and all lean up with their mouths open…lost Nikon moment there, by the way. I dump her in…Heckle and Jeckle start dive bombing at me. I turn to fight them, and the lost soul jumps out of the nest!!! What the freaking heck!!!

So the whole thing happens again…but this time I bring Daisy out to fight Ma and Pa while I perform my firewoman like service. And all goes well…I shove baby into the nest and smash her down so she stays this time…well, it didn’t quite happen like that, but I do like to tell a good story.

I secretly know this will probably not work. She’ll be rejected by her parents, probably won’t get food from them and if she makes it, will suffer through her life with serious emotional issues. But my conscience is satisfied. And that’s what I have to live with, right?

I just wish my instructor would accept this writing for the two page essay on how poverty affects the crime level. I mean I can see it in this, can’t you? That and poor housing…why would the bird brains build a slanted nest anyway!

We Said Goodbye, a Year Ago

2011-07-07T10:00:00.004-04:00

It's been a year since we said goodbye, Moma...

So thankful for the time I had with you during your last days. So thankful for all the memories...so thankful you have a new body now and are dancing with the angels...no more pain...no more worry...You are greatly missed.

Today,I'm getting stuck in my blog...I ran a search on Moma in it and found quite a bit I wrote...Moma's last day is always hard for me to read but I'm thankful I took the time to write it late that night when I couldn't sleep. I wish I had more of the conversations written down. Like the one sitting around the kitchen talble in Sharpsburg discussing what would happen in our adult years...I see butterflies everyday. Molly and Emily have a love for them...Daisy has, shame on her, been trying to catch them...I was taking a report the other day on a missing juvenile whose birthday was 05/26 and had to stop and breath...Moma speaks to me sometimes and it takes me a second to maintain my composure. and with every butterfly I see...it's as if she lives in flight...reminding me she's dancing with the angels. Free.

So much has changed since you left us, Moma. Time does not go backwards

And Ain't I a Woman?

2011-05-18T11:39:00.003-04:00

Came up on her speech today as I was doing my class work...always worth reading...

Ah, but Sojourner speaks the truth in her speech…short and “sweet.” It’s the kind of speech that get’s your attention whether you agree or not. I can see her throwing her arm up as she says, “Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted and gathered into barns, and no man could head me!” She describes the situation in her opening. She establishes an authority and connection as she starts out, “Well, children…

Posted it here for you to refresh your memory. I'm sure you've read it before.

”AIN'T I A WOMAN?

by Sojourner Truth

Delivered 1851 at the Women's Convention in Akron, Ohio

Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter. I think that 'twixt the negroes of the South and the women at the North, all talking about rights, the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what's all this here talking about?
That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man - when I could get it - and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain't I a woman?

Then they talk about this thing in the head; what's this they call it? [member of audience whispers, "intellect"] That's it, honey. What's that got to do with women's rights or negroes' rights? If my cup won't hold but a pint, and yours holds a quart, wouldn't you be mean not to let me have my little half measure full?

Then that little man in black there, he says women can't have as much rights as men, 'cause Christ wasn't a woman! Where did your Christ come from? Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him.

If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back , and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it, the men better let them.

Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain't got nothing more to say.

A Timely Poem

2011-05-06T12:48:00.005-04:00

Received an email from George this morning...I can't read it without crying...A few days before Mother's Day when my sister's and I are struggling...thinking about Moma...I think she spoke to us...

He wrote:

Found this clipping in one of your mother's books this morning:

Thank you, Moma...what a lovely poem to pass on. I am so thankful you are free from pain.

Windy days...

2011-04-16T11:08:00.003-04:00

Baby Grace is not here this morning…She’s with her Daddy…so Mimi is left with her thoughts and no distractions…tossed to and fro…unable to connect…and I remember how my friend talks to me about grounding techniques…breath, Donna…5 counts in/5 counts out for 15 minutes…think about what you DO have control over…even simple things such as the temperature of your shower water…what clothes you wear…Notice touch, using your bodies senses to experience exactly where I am in the moment. Why do I permit my thoughts to take me to dark places? Letting them blow me here and there…

The wind is strong today…both inside these walls and out. Everything is moved by it…I sat in my bed watching the trees and the grass moved by the invisible force. Grounded. Rooted…so moved but standing firm.

And then a robin came bobbing up towards my window…walking up the driveway…It’s feathery cap blowing in the wind…it’s tail feathers blowing to the side…the dull orange on her chest blowing revealing gray…but she stood…with one leg cocked out to the side, a bird with a “tude. She stood firm in the wind…little stick legs planting her firm.
And a verse comes to mind…that reminds me that He cares for the birds and I am more valuable than them.

Do I feel all better? No. But I’m learning…and I’m trying to see myself through God’s eyes…

Why would I post this?

Cause as I watch the grass, the trees, the birds, Daisy’s fur blowing in the wind…I know I’m not the only one…struggling to stand firm. Someone else might need to know they aren’t either.

I think…I’ll stop working on my college essay for a while, get outside and mow some of this grass…let the wind blow me around and think about how I am planted firm in God’s care…like an ole bird with a ‘tude.

Donna's View 2011

2011-02-12T08:17:00.006-05:00

I am supposed to be completing a paper of 2000 words, due today...but Daisy had to go out again. As I'm standing by the back door I am overcome with emotion. It's not an emotion I can label...and since I can't label it I asked myself..."What's going through your mind, Donna." Cause I want to be in control of my emotions. "Just look at it," I answered softly and this is what I saw:

Looking out the back door of my new place, the snow is covering the view in front of me. The big round bales of hay and the long stretch of field. The sky is slowly slipping into morning, with the light peaking through the lite blue. Daisy is like a polar bear when it snows. She walks into the snow and falls to her side, sliding through the cold white and eventually rolling to her back, making snow angels. The view silently whispers quiet and rest.

But in the back ground of it all, even though George Winston's Forrest is playing, I can hear the hum of traffic. So, I walk to the front of the house. From there I can see my rural road, I-75 north and south, I-64 east and west. It's Saturday, but there is plenty of movement on the highway. Steady flow of travelers passing by going about their business. This view doesn't whisper, it speaks loudly, that things must be done, that time doesn't stop.

And I know, I am simply watching from both views; Life. And the emotion I am feeling that I couldn't label; Peace. Peace in knowing I am where I am suppose to be...

...That I will grow in this place. That I will become a better person.

Peace is something I will get used to. I will embrace it. I will pass it on.

Classes starting back...

2011-01-12T06:51:00.002-05:00

So, winter break is over...and I am back in class...speech and psychology are the classes for this semester. I am not sure if I am wide awake at 3:30 this morning because I am anxious about classes or just because my mind is so full of "life thought." After 3 1/2 hours of thinking...who cares...I just want to sleep! :) (Ariel, Gracelyn could sleep over night here and we'd let you sleep!! Course, I'd be lacking in the feeding department...)
Anyway...starting Speech, reminds me of my first oral interview with the police department. I knew exactly what I was going to say but got in there and sounded like Elmer Fudd...seriously...I did. Although I had taught Sunday School, children's church, lead small groups, sung in front of big congregations .... When i had to sit at the end of a table with so many uniforms and rank...i sorta kinda folded. I spoke to Debbie Wagner about the situation and she suggested ToastMasters. Ever heard of it? It's a club that simply allows people to work on their public speaking. I grew to love going...if it wasn't your week to speak in front of everyone, there were still exercises that caused you to have to speak spontaneously. I never became a pro but I did benefit greatly. Starting up speech this semester just reminded me of steps I've taken in the past to be where I am today. I remember what I told, the now, Commander Blanton, during one of my earlier interviews..."I want to continue to learn, to grow, so I can be of service to those I meet.
Growing is good...painful sometimes, but very good...and well worth it.
Looks like 2011 is going to have growing pains...I'm ready...and God knows, behind a bit. May He always find me faithful...and during this semester, may I not be "speechless."

Tis the Season...

2010-12-25T14:16:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I was overwhelmed by my thoughts…thoughts of so many loved ones and friends experiencing difficult times. And I desperately want to help them…I want to make it better…I want to comfort and bless them. So many…who lost loved ones, adjusting to losing their Moma, their father, their husband, their wife, their child, their beloved pet, their friend…and the ones who have family members who can’t be home for Christmas, our service men and women…the friends and family who have marital issues and are no longer together, the children who suffer because of it…those adjusting to a new way of life…those who are lonely and feel there is no one who cares…those who struggle financially, who find Christmas time a burden…those who are caring for a terminally ill loved one…and so on.

I am a giver by nature. I want to make bad things good…I want to help in any way I can. Yesterday, I was overwhelmed by the thoughts of the people I love that are hurting and in need. And I asked God in a furious fashion…what can I do? I cannot fix these things!

Suddenly, I was given a thought... “Tis the season.”

Then…” For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given, and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, Almighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Peace of Peace.”
Lastly, “I sent a comforter.”

And I was reminded, I am not the one. He sent the “One” who can comfort, counsel, and provide…and we chose to celebrate his birthday at this time.

Relax, Donna…they are in good hands.

Inside out

2010-12-16T13:26:00.003-05:00

Gracie on Mommy's belly (inside out now) @ Mimi's

12/13/2010

2010-12-13T17:11:00.005-05:00

Gracelyn Kaye Lowery, born today,12/13/2010 @ 2:04 PM weighing 7 lbs 8 ozs. measuring 19 1/2"
Ariel is doing very well...she stuck with her choice of going natural and was a real labor hall queen. Deep into her labor, she had nurses telling her to "stop smiling, you're in labor."

Gracie and Mimi

Seasonal Thinking?

2010-12-04T18:47:00.001-05:00

Totally off the wall here, definitely not with the season, but I’m struggling with my thinking. Maybe, it’s missing the regular event that Moma would bake Christmas cookies and come to the house, with Merry Christmas wishes, and Moma isn’t here. Maybe, it’s the anticipation of my fifth grandchild, who like most children is taking her sweet time. Maybe, it’s Craig’s and Becky’s separation and my dread for the stress it will put on him and Emily. Maybe, it’s William being sworn into the Marines on Wednesday. Maybe, it’s starting school again and knowing that I am obtaining this Bachelor’s degree to insure a possible advancement down the road. Maybe, it’s because I took off two weeks and I feel like a slacker. Maybe, it’s just “tis the season.” Whatever the case, I’m struggling with my thinking.
I shoveled some snow, driveways/sidewalks …I went in and visited with Granny after shoveling for her. She (age 87) sadly looked out the window and said, “It’s hard watching, remembering I used to do that myself and enjoyed it.” Then I went to Aunt Juanita’s and after I finished, she met me at the shed in her back yard with salt she wanted me to put down. When I came back to gather her and help make sure the shed was secure, she (age 89) looked up at me and grinned. “We could have been a team if I were younger, shoveling driveways, cleaning up the snow. “ Yes, I’m certain we could have been.”
And I am hit with how life is really hard on us. You spend all of your years learning to do things, mastering, achieving, only to become unable to do what you learned and enjoyed to do. There are struggles within us, that once conquered become yet a different struggle. At a time when I am anticipating life, and wanting this to speed up…I find myself wanting things to slow down, too.
If I were to leave the world today…know that I love deeply…I wanted to give beyond what I was able to give….I longed for everyone to be happy and content in their lives…and if the good Lord allows me to grow older and older…know that I’m scared…and I’m not liking this.

My House is Very Small...

2010-10-27T12:50:00.006-04:00

Last night my house was so full of past, present and future…love and friendship, that it should have burst at the seams.

As we gathered to shower Ariel with gifts that would assist her in caring for the newest addition…I was overwhelmed by the treasures I held in my little home. The whole scene reminded me to step back and pay tribute to the years past, present and future. Although everyone could not make it, as it was scheduled on a weekday, so many did and I am counting my blessings this morning.

My little secretive daughter, Ariel, had a secret guest she had no idea would attend. Ms. Maggie. Ms. Maggie babysat Ariel and Craig when they were little (Ariel was a baby) and I worked at Pizza Hut. So many years go. Maggie’s son Shaun couldn’t say Ariel so they nicknamed her “EO.” She is a trusted soul and I never worried about how my children were treated as she cared for them. She is a loving caring soul. We remained friends and our children enjoyed birthday parties and Ariel’s nickname stuck…that even Ed calls her that that still.

Ed came in with his wife, Charlotte. Ed goes all the way back to Papa’s adolescent days. Charlotte is new in the past recent years. He was there when Craig threw his infamous fit at the age of five…and oh, were we ever so embarrassed. I was cleaning his house when Craig got his head stuck under Ed’s privacy fence. Ed rode to Florida on a family trip with us, on his motorcycle when all the younguns were younguns and William wasn’t even borne. Charlotte and Ed went on a trip with us again, William the only youngun this time…and yes, they were on a motorcycle.

Connie, Papa’s Moma, and Jan, his sister was a part of that adolescent world of Papa’s when Ed entered. They were able to attend last night, too. So many showers ago…just think, Jan was around when Connie was pregnant with Papa and I wonder if she attended a shower with Connie for her brother in Taiwan 54 years ago. I am overwhelmed when I think of the connections through out lives and the plans God unfolds. Connie, as she sat there watching her granddaughter open gifts…did you realize Connie so many years ago that you would be blessed with so many lives? Even though George, due to the link being broken, did not get to meet Ariel’s new addition, he is with us in our hearts and the chain will link again someday. I know you miss sharing these events with him.

Aunt Juanita was happy to see you, Connie. Two ladies that have lived long blessed lives, had to say goodbye to their life long partners, both military wives, sat across from each other bringing so many pieces of history to my home. Oh, the wealth of experience they bring to me, to the younger women in the room. How many baby showers have they been to? How many babies have they held? Aunt Juanita will be 90 in January…and I can’t even type that without my eyes tearing up. I remember a valuable lesson that she took the time to teach me when I was young. We all had balloons, and like most children, mine escaped. I reached up and tried to take over Aunt Juanita’s balloon, who carried one, too…cause she’s got a bit of kid in her heart. She lifted her balloon hand out of my reach and did not let me take over. She may have never realized it, but her taking the time to talk to me about being greedy and expectant, was a very valuable lesson. Aunt Juanita was always there for Moma…and Granny, her partner in crime…when have they not been a team? They even share the same birth month. Granny will be 88 in January. I remember when I was 6 visiting in Lexington, going to the park with Granny, and her sliding down the slide with me. I remember it like it was today. She has ALWAYS been spunky! They have always been so giving. The many folks they have ministered to in nursing homes over the years are insurmountable. And Granny, still sweet, Granny, last night coaxed over little Henry, whom she’s never met before, and fed him some cupcake icing. And they both grinned like they had been friends forever.

Henry, Nancy’s grandson and Darcy, her granddaughter shined on everyone last night. Not real clear as to why Noel took to barking at the car seat that Darcy was in but let’s bet she get’s over the car seat fetish real soon, like starting in December. Aunt Nancy…reminded me last night during a game something I had forgotten…how much Ariel wanted to be “Aunt Nancy” when Ariel was wee little. She loved Aunt Nancy so much, she wanted to be Aunt Nancy. She requested I even call her Nancy. Nancy has introduced me to so many things that has changed my life….simple things, like shrimp…and yet, future inspiring and altering things like Southern Early Learning Lab and Ms Elswick. Nancy is a beautiful person and has touched so many lives. Her grandchildren will learn, as they are learning everyday, that her touch in their lives is one in a million. Darcy is Jen’s newest…Jen has so fervently fought to adopt Avery and longs to have her home. I think God appreciates her love for a child so far away, and her protective instinct to fight for her that He has blessed her with another…Darcy. And Jen is happy to receive the blessing. And again…I remind you that my small little home should have been bursting at the seams last night. Henry is Sarah’s little one…and what a horrible aunt I was for planning Ariel’s shower on Sarah’s birthday!!! Nancy brought Henry with her since Sarah also had a class to attend…so really, her teacher is just as awful as me! Melissa, Nancy’s youngest…and well, although she still has that title, she quite the young woman. She has been through an ordeal…and yet she travels the road before her with strong will and determination that she is a warrior I admire. A beautiful warrior, I will add…inside and out.

Henry, Nancy’s grandson was born in the same hospital, the same day just hours before Delva’s twins. Delva is my neighbor of at least 12 years. Aurora, Crysta and Shaila came with her last night. Just three of her five. Crysta and Shaila campaigned for Henry and James (one of the twins) to get together. Sweet little big sisters looking out for sweet baby James. Aurora came to my care when she was 6 months and I continued to babysit after Crysta was born. I do not walk out in our yard when the girls are playing without receiving a warm “Hello, Mimi!” Even when they have company…even when I stop by during work to visit the ladies room…never failing…and all this talk about moving my sweet neighbors away…I try to escape from the thought. As we played a game last night, one of the questions being, “What did Craig entice Ariel to stick up her nose at the age of five?” I was reminded of Aurora…and how she stuck a piece of chicken up her nose and how I had to work at removing it…in front of her patient Moma. Oh, the memories.

A neighbor on the left, a neighbor on the right…I call her Andy, her real name is Jennifer. I’m telling you…look around you…there are jewels you don’t want to miss! I met Andy through Ariel. Ariel in her young entrepreneur state went looking for business…dog walking business…at least 11 years ago. Further in the years, Andy helped assist me in getting ready for the physical testing with Metro. She helped me with running and set ups…and her words of encouragement are remembered to this day. She helped with the party last night…and her daughter, Lilly was with her…Lilly, a perfect name for a blossoming soul. She wanted to be here…she felt the love and excitement…and I was glad she came. I’ve even seen her outside lately playing with Shaila…I love the connection. Andy’s dog Bosco was Winston’s best friend. Buds, they were…and maybe they are at the rainbow bridge enjoying each other’s company again.

Oh, and the connection between Molly and Crysta. The giggly gals, who were together as babies as I babysat are still enjoying each other’s company. Rosie got her a bit late due to car troubles…but the joy on Crysta’s face when Molly did walk through the door! Jacob’s face when he walked in…was like, “Ew, all these women…get me to safety!” Rosie…what a Moma you are…homeschooling Molly and Jacob…they are so enjoying it. I am so enjoying watching you. Oh, “Ms. run off to California”…so glad you got through that spell…and learned from it. Thinking about you running off to California….and then riding up to Maine with me…I smile…all the roads you’ve traveled. Oh, how I loved seeing you and Missy standing at the bar chatting. Be still my beating heart.

Athena, Kylie and Leah were able to be here, too for a short time. Athena homeschooled her little ones for a period. I homeschooled her husband for a period too. Garrett is a favorite that I don’t get to see as often as I’d like. He and Athena are such a pair. And Athena, did I hear you correctly amidst the wildness in my home? You aren’t moving to Florida? I have been given a second chance…not to blow it this time. We have to get together more often. I need to pull photos of Kylie playing with Silas, and our trip to the museum…Kylie has to remember those moments. I need to create moments with Leah, too.

Papa turned to me as we glanced through the photos, that I didn’t get enough of…and points to Tiffany. Who is this, he asked. Oh, Papa, she has slept at our house, Ariel has slept at her house. A teenage friend, from Ariel’s adolescence…like Ed is to yours. He said, “I didn’t recognize her. She’s a beautiful woman, now.” Yeah, they don’t stay little…and when I showed him photos of her son and daughter, I thought he’d flip his gourd…”No way,” he said. “How does it happen?”
How does it happen?

I wonder myself as I see Becky moving around assisting with the shower festivities, without me even asking. I see her standing with my daughters in past gatherings, captured by film…I see her smiling at Craig on their wedding day. I see her in the labor room ready to give birth to Emily and being a real trouper despite how her labor day did not go as she had dreamed it to. And sadness fills my heart as she and Craig are separating…and I am losing a daughter. Emily is losing her little family unit. Oh, how I pray and wish my experience, my love could help mend this family, so dear to me. I am reminded that I cannot fix all things, I cannot began to understand but God in His infinite wisdom and power is in control…and nothing happens to my loved ones that isn’t filtered through His hands. I must trust and obey.

Obey…I smile thinking about it…something Emily did not want to do as she left last night and even after she arrived home. She did not want the party to be over. She cried, in her over dramatic way, as she talked to me over the phone, “I want you to hold me, Mimi, I want my Mimi.” Funny, just the night before when she was in the bed at MIMI’S house, she was crying, “I want my Daddy, I want my Mommy.” A first, but we had switched her to a “big girl” bed and the resistance to change comes from her father’s line. The only other child I know that had a hard time with bedtime was Molly.

Last night…was no different. As Jacob and Molly were giggling and chatting after the lights were out…no crying or fit throwing as in the younger years…but not a willing sleeper, still. I went into the room…again…with promises of moving Jacob out into the living room…but with desperate pleads of go to sleep so I can… they did. The night ended with everyone falling to sleep with a smile.

I lay there thankful for Ariel’s mother-in-law, Tammy. Who came to the shower, who has been such a blessing to Ariel, and has even taught her to crochet. She helped clean up after the shower and got Ariel and Noel all packed up and ready to head for home. This will be Tammy’s first grandchild…and she’s anxious and I am happy she will get to experience the “Nana” in her life. She has a love for children and it shows in the younguns involved in her life. She’s in for a real treat!

Even though Moma couldn’t be with us…yet, another broken chain…to be linked again later as God calls us home one by one…I made one of the gifts given to the game winners, a tribute to Moma…a plague that said, “Life is a journey not a destination.” And it had a butterfly on it…it was one way of having her here with us. She had quite a journey, even though it was too short.

At the end…Ariel was swollen and tired…she sat on the floor after all the guests left admiring her precious baby things that will soon encase her “little cupcake.” I know she is anxious. She wants everything to be just right. She is keenly aware of the connections of past, present and future here in our home. She is after my own heart. People are important to her, memories are precious to her and she is about to embark on a mission that will change her forever…and for the better…and she will fulfill the role of a mommy as she has always dreamed she would…and I will remember…the day she was born and placed in my arms, her holding me close, her precious funny faces, her precious way of reading my mind as a very young child, her little toes and the fuzz she loved to pick out of them, her love for her family from day one, and I will remind her…to savor the flavor of each day…to be consciously aware that time brings roses, and on the “bad mommy days” not to focus on the thorns…to stop and smell the roses…and to always come home because my little house needs the warmth…it’s a small house, but it holds a wealth of love.

Those Magic Moments....

2010-08-22T21:38:00.008-04:00

Three separate times during Emily's weekend visit, she held her bare little arms out to her sides, looking up and down each one, shaking her head in dismay, saying, "Mimi, no wings."

She was melting my heart all weekend. At lunch today, she suddenly stopped eating and asked with great concern, "Mimi, where's Finston?" "Oh, baby," I said, "Winston is with Grandma at the rainbow bridge." She said, "Me go, too." And I said, "No, baby, it's not our time to go." She then took my hand and reached for William's across the table asked to pray. And I prayed while she mumbled along, asking God to let Grandma and Winston know we said hello and ...and we love and miss them.

Yesterday in the bathroom, she was trying to manage a water bottle by herself and spilled it...all over my Kevlar vest pieces that I had out of the cover (doing laundry)..."Sorry, Mimi." she said as I grabbed a towel. "It's okay" I said. I ...continued to mop it up and she saw it had gotten on my iphone. She was so distressed, "So sorry, Mimi."
"It's okay, sweetie, nothing to worry your pretty little head over." She stopped and took my face in her hands and said with a chuckle, "Pretty little head. Mimi. You silly." LOVED IT!

I took her shopping today...FYI...she is a shopping Diva! I would point out things and she would let me know if they were not her taste. "No, that's yucky, Mimi." Or, as t...he buggy rolled along dresses, "Mimi, Mimi, stop! I like it! I picked up a pink frilly skirt and held it up. "I like it, I like it. No pink, Mimi. Purple." OMG! We looked at cowgirl boots. I pull a brown/purple pair off the shelf, she says, "Oh, pink, pink!"

When we got home and I was putting the purple skirt on her and getting out the boots so she could play with Shaila...she said with her fingers laced in front of her, "Mimi, me so excited!"

Two week reminder...

2010-07-21T13:36:00.003-04:00

Today... as I emerged from my yoga workout...I came into the kitchen and Craig was preparing a can of home style chicken noodle soup...the ones I had bought Moma, cause they were her favorite...he told me, "I asked Grandma if I could have her soup that was left over. I think she's okay with it."
"I'm sure she is," I said as I looked out the back door. On the banister, were two butterflies...if you are familiar with Moma's last day, you'll know the significance of that...it's Wednesday, two weeks since Moma went to her new home.

"You write it.."

2010-07-14T11:45:00.000-04:00

On 06/24/2010, at approximately 8:30 pm later after a visit with Scarlet, Moma woke up and said, “You’ll have to write it.”
“Write what Moma?” I asked.
“You’re going have to write it cause it will be a mess if I do.”
“Help me understand, Moma.” I got a piece of paper and a pen. “What do you want me to write?”
“Wanda Francis,” she said. “Wanda Kay Francis”
“Well, why am I writing your name, Moma?”
No answer.
Desperately wanting to understand and please her, “What do you want me to write on it, Moma?”
“You figure out what you want to write on it.” “You don’t have to even sign my name, you can sign yours.”

So, I wrote Wanda Francis at the top of the page…

Then I wrote:

Wanda Kay Francis is my dear Moma. She is fighting a terminal cancer; renal cell. At this point she is unable to get out of the bed, unable to connect her thoughts enough to communicate what’s really on her mind and gets frustrated because of it. Despite her not being able to leave the bed, the room or the house she continues to find things to smile about. She remains beautiful as she is in her last days and everyone who visits her or sees her photos acknowledge her true beauty.
I am extremely blessed to be able to care for her in her last days. I long for her to be without pain and be able to walk again in heaven with her Creator; the God she raised me to know and love.
Wanda Kay Francis is my Moma and I am blessed for all the years I have been able to share with her.

And I signed it, Donna Lynn

She looked over at me and asked so sweetly, “Why the tears?”
I told her that I had figured out what to write and it pulled at my heartstrings.
I asked her, “Do you want me to read it to you?”
She nodded yes.

When I had finished, she looked at me lovingly and I said, “I just love you, Moma.” And she said, “You know I love you, too.”

As we looked through Moma’s boxes of belongings a few days after her passing, we found notebook after notebook…writings…journaling…looks like I came by it naturally…Moma even wrote in her sleep…her left hand writing in the air.
She couldn’t write probably the last 5 months of her life…that was hard on her. I will continue to write…in her honor.

Moma's Last Day

2010-07-14T11:05:00.004-04:00

Written hours after Moma passed as I struggled to accept her final day on 07/07/2010.

Today Dr. Nichols came to see Moma’s leg with the skin tear. When she was here, she listened to Moma’s heart, lungs and breathing. All was good. No sign of secretions, fluid build up, all is good…by the way; let’s take her off the lasik and use only as needed.
It wasn’t even a half hour after the doctor left, at approximately 11:15 am, that Moma started breathing raspy. Granny and Aunt Juanita visited early, too. Moma was eating her biscuits and gravy. Aunt Juanita remarked as she left, “She seems real weak today.”
Cathy came to the door and brought supplies for the skin tear and I redressed Moma’s leg. No infection, the doctor had said…and I praised Moma for being so strong.
Moma slept after that until I woke her at 3 PM. Ezra came to visit about that time and Moma got out of drinking the apple juice solution for her bowels. She told Ezra after a short bit that she was so tired and needed to sleep.
I changed her, she was so extremely soaked, I just thought it was the lisik…and she slept until about 6PM. I fixed her a plate of sloppy joe and baby carrots. She took a bite of the sloppy joe and a bit of the baby carrots and just couldn’t handle swallowing them. So, we switched to an ice cream sundae cup from Schwans. She ate 75% of it, but could not hold the cup like she usually does. She held the spoon and I helped her get a bite on the spoon. She started getting so raspy that she felt she was choking. I told her about some medicine that Hospice had left with me just in case this happened because it happens sometimes with their patients. (Hyomax FT) And we took one of the pills to dry up the secretions. A bit later, we took one more. She was very restless and kept asking me to sit her up. She coughed or at least tried to over and over. I would hold her in my arms with my body supporting her back, her boney arms wrapped around my left arm, so many times, I lost count.
At one point as I was lying her back down she told me, “I can’t do this much longer.”
“Do what, Moma, cough so much?”
She shook her head no.
“Just do the whole thing?”
And she shook her head yes.
I called Hospice to talk with a nurse about a pain pill and a worry pill (that’s what we call the Ativan) and as to whether that would be okay to take with the hyomax. It was, the nurse Calvin informed me. So I gave Moma both. I laid her on her right side for a spell…that lasted about 20 mins., all the while sitting her up here and there to cough. I moved from the stool beside her bed where I had been the whole time and sat on the other bed to rest my back. She asked me to put her back on her back, I did. Eventually I moved back to the other bed. She never let herself go back to sleep. She had been awake since 6pm.
Melanie texted me and asked about Moma…I filled her in…and she asked if she should leave and come on down. I told her no…it would probably be fine. That was around 8:30pm.
Around 9:30, she looked over at me and let out a moan. I got up and sat back on the stool and petted on her, her heart was beating so fast. I checked her pad and it was so full of bowel movement. I told her I had to get it off of her and I would do it quickly so she could rest. I went to the door and yelled for Papa so he could call Melanie, as there was finality in the moments. As I turned her to her right side she seemed to start breathing differently and I noticed her grip on the rail loosened. I tried to clean her quickly…I keep saying, “Moma, hang in there,” “Moma, you aren’t supposed to go like this, wait Moma”…and I turned her back. When I saw her face, I knew she was leaving. I told her it was okay, that she can go, “I’m okay, Moma, I’m ready now, it’s okay.” She drew maybe, three slower breathes. Her fingers turned purplish, her mouth was rigid, her eyes were fixed. And then she was gone. Papa had to tell me as I held her hand in mine, and the other on her heart, that she was no longer with us. I desperately wanted to feel life in her.
I can’t tell you exactly what I feel. Should I have tried to hook her up to oxygen? Should I have picked her up and maybe she would have breathed easier? Should I had stopped trying to keep the bowel movement from getting all over and just turned her back over? I just felt I could have done something to make it better for her.
But Papa tells me, and Ariel…that she passed with me helping her, cleaning her up, holding her hand…and that is all I could have done and that’s all she would have wanted.

And yet, today…I told Rosie that I felt like the summer would be gone before I could spend time with Molly and Jake…and I told Craig, that she doesn’t even look like my mother anymore…and those thoughts create guilt.

I remember something very interesting that happened in the late afternoon of Moma’s passing…Moma always told her children if a butterfly landed on something it meant you would get that very something new. I remember the laundry hanging out in the backyard thinking as I saw butterflies land on them about the new clothes we would be getting, even though the majority of our clothing came from “missionary boxes”…at about 4:30 there was a brownish orange butterfly that kept hanging on the front door, on the front glass, fluttering around when Craig shooed it away and laying again on the front door frame. We laughed about who would be getting the new house…Me and Papa, Craig or Ariel (they were the only kids at the house at the time)…or maybe, William would go off to the Air Force early, we jested. We totally forgot about Moma being the recipient…and yet, she’s the one who, at the end of the day, who got the new house…just as the butterfly had predicted…a new home in heaven…a new body with Christ.

And a big part of my "inner child", wants to tell Moma about that. I know she would smile, clasp her hands together and say, "That's beautiful."

---------Sometimes you get sick and you don't get better...that's when life is short, even in it's longest days. --John Cougar Mellencamp

Thinking...

2010-06-01T16:53:00.002-04:00

I walked into Moma's room today and found her staring at the ceiling again...eyes fixed and looking deep in thought.

"Whatcha thinkin bout Moma?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing. It's easier that way." she replied.

...and once again, I wish I could take it all away...

Moma's Emergency Potato Soup

2010-05-30T18:17:00.003-04:00

On May 27th...the day after Moma's birthday...she slept basically all day. Waking up for a few minutes at a time when it was medicine time...I thought the day would be her last. I sat on the bed across from hers for hours all day, making sure she was breathing, staying close in case she woke up on her own. At 11PM, I woke her for scheduled meds and since she had slept from 3PM - 11PM she had missed dinner time. I asked if she were ready to eat something.
To my surprise she answered, "Yes...how about some potato salad?" She chatted a bit about how she was wanted this and how it sounded so good to her...and I fought the tears back. I hate when I don't have what she wants when she wants it. Usually I'll have Papa run and get some...but it was 11PM...I watch as disappointment crept across her face as I told her I didn't have any potato salad and then explained it would take 45 minutes probably to whip some up.
She listened and said, "Well, then, how bout potato soup." Determination swept in...either that or I could bare disappointing her again and I responded, "I think, I can do that for you, Moma. I'll go get started." I left the room, went to the kitchen and cried. Then prayed. Then stuck a potato in the microwave and set it for 10 minutes. I got out a can of cream of celery soup (bought the 25th of May, as I was picking up Moma's birthday stuff...saying to myself when I saw it, "I'll get this...I might need it to make potato soup someday." And here I was...making potato soup, crying and praying.
I poured the cream of celery soup in the pan, about 1/4 cup of water and a half can of milk, cayenne, black pepper, Ms Dash, garlic powder, onion power and started heating it up...after 10 minutes, the potato was cooked and I scooped the ever so hot contents from the skin, dropping them into the mixture...adding a dolollop of sour cream.
When it was all good and warm I took it into Moma with some crackers and fed it to her...at 11:30 PM...and she was soooooo pleased. "Oh, this is good."
"My goodness" as I fed her a second bite...and so on with the sound of contentment.
Feeling good about it, she ate 10 bites. THAT is really good for Moma's appetite.
When I went to the kitchen to rinse her bowl, I found the pan had been rinsed out and the remaining soup was gone.
"That was great," Papa said, as he walked into the kitchen with HIS dirty bowl.

Put a Bug in Your Ear...

2010-05-26T12:55:00.005-04:00

...If you put a bug in some one's ear, you give him or her a reminder or suggestion relating to a future event...

We are fighting to keep the air conditioning off. I love the breeze blowing through the house. I love hearing the birds chirping, neighbors chatting, wind in the trees...it's inspiring and uplifting.So, we struggle through heat to lengthen the experience of open windows.The past few days...geez...past week, at night Papa will go back into the bedroom about 7 or 8, place a box fan in the window and turn on the bed lamp...like older people do, you know to prepare for bed...I have requested that he stop doing this, as I am battling tiny gnat like bugs of various varieties. He doesn't take this seriously and continues his preparatory practice. Last night I go in and find at least 20 or more little gnat like, light loving, bugs on OUR PILLOWS and swarming around the bed light. Cripes!!! So, I explain it again...When you turn the lamp on at night it attracts bugs and they sit on the screen...when you place a box fan against the screen that the unwanted species are clinging to...the fan DRAWS the BUGS through the screen!!! Of course, after they are sucked into MY bedroom, they naturally go to the light that they were lusting over from outside of our bedroom. (Imagine it, George!)

So, I brushed the unwanted night life out of my bed...grumbling of course, as I did...thinking...if a woman tells her man what is bothering her and he continues to allow that unwanted behavior...how the heck are they coming up on a 25 year anniversary...(just the things that pass through your head when something is "bugging" you.)

I go to sleep and am sleeping sooooooo good...when all of a sudden I feel something going into my ear...crawling around like crazy...a freaking bug!!! Buzzing, scrabbling...sending me into insanity...how do you get a bug out of your ear!?!?! In my mind it was centipede or something a kin to it. I thought about holding the flashlight to my ear to...you know...attract it to the light. But that might take a while and I had to make it stop! So, I turned to peroxide as my method of stifling the madness. I drowned the poor sucker...so I could sleep and deal with the prospect of removal in the morning...after coffee...when my thinking is clearer.

It took a while mind you...trying to relax and fall asleep knowing I had a bug the size of something off the Bug's Life in my ear...but it happened.

This morning, after coffee, I tried not to rant...and succeeded to just ask Papa WWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTYYYYYYYYYYYYYY did he allow this foreigner in our bedroom? and HHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW to I get it out now that it ain't going be able to crawl out.

An ear syringe with warm water...tilt my head over the sink, flush...and wham-o, I hear Papa say, there it is...and the pain was gone and I felt a bit more settled, especially after seeing it was only the size of three dots put together...Yeah, like the three dots you see over and over in my writing when I'm continuing my thoughts. Way to small to take a photo of...

So, tonight...I'm gonna 'put a bug in Papa's ear'...no, not literally, I'm not revengeful...But I will be...if I have to!

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11

2010-04-26T20:05:00.003-04:00

Moma wanted to sit on the bedside pot…and I assisted her despite her body’s resistance. It’s quite a procedure, it hurts her legs tremendously and it strains my back due to her fear of feeling more pain or simply falling.
As she sat there on the bedside pot, “It is Well With My Soul” was playing on the CD…I was singing along with it, thoughtful, as Moma had tried my patience minutes before when I tried to get her to eat and take her needed medicines. She tossed her bacon on the bed after one bite, refused her grilled cheese, ate two bites of applesauce. She refused to drink her potassium and she chewed her capsule blaming me for not giving her water even though I had the glass of water in my hand holding the straw to her lips.

“See if I’m making sense,” she said. “I want to make sense. Do I make sense?”

“Some days are better than others, Moma...but, yes, right now you’re making sense.”

“Ok, see if I am making sense.” (Long pause)

“Do I have other plants?”

“Plans, Moma?”

“Yes, do I have other plants?”

“For your situation, Moma?” I asked to be sure. “Do you have other plans?”

“Yes, do I have other plans?”

“Moma, there’s nothing else here we can for your cancer. The only plans we have, Moma, is to make you comfortable until God takes you home to be with Jesus.”

She looks at me with disbelief in her eyes.

“Moma, there is no other medicine we can give you to make it go away. It’s up to God to either take it away or take you home.”

“Does that make sense, Moma?”

“Yes,” she says slowly, “it makes sense. I want other plans.”

“What kind of plans do you want Moma?”

“I want it go away.”

“The cancer, Moma?”

“Yes,” she says as she nods her head.

“I’m sorry, Moma. I can’t fix that for you. No one can, except God.” I hug her up close.

Then I began putting the fresh pull up on her, getting her ready to put back in bed.
“Be Still My Soul/Take It to God in Prayer compellation” is now playing.

“If you are tired of hurting, talk to Him about it. Tell Him how bad you’re hurting. Tell Him if He plans to leave you here longer with us that you need Him to take some of your pain. Tell Him you need Him to take the pain. He tells us, ask and receive. Then after you do that, Moma…trust Him to do it.”

“Take My Hand, Precious Lord and Lead Me Home / Just a Closer Walk with Thee”…is now floating through the room.

I placed her back in the bed. Adjusting and covering her. She lay her head on the pillow, kept her eyes shut tight and didn't opened them.

I noticed the song had changed and “Great is Thy Faithfulness” was now playing on the CD player.

As I type beside her bed, approximately twenty minutes later since she had closed her eyes…the cd is beginning to repeat itself and “It Is Well With My Soul” has began again.

She wakes and asks for her eye glasses.

I give them to her and she says, “I want you to know; I love you.”

“Oh, I know you do, with all my heart, I know. But I never get tired of hearing it.”

“Then I’ve done it,” she said, “I’ll tell you more later, bye now. And closed her eyes.

A Special Valentine...

2010-02-13T22:36:00.007-05:00

Bath time is complete…goodnight hugs are given to everyone in the house…we head to the bedroom where Emily grabs The Gingerbread Man and Goodnight Moon and tossing them into her bed…I began to scroll through my iphone for my “Emily” album…it’s an album of nothing but repeats of Brahms’ Lullaby cause I know it’s coming…Emily then pulls the little collapsible stool from beside her bed and opens it, pats it and says, “La, La, Mimi, La, La” and I assure her, I’m staying to sing to her and she climbs in bed. As I sit down I hit play and Brahms’ Lullaby begins.

Emily hands me The Gingerbread Man first and we start to read. She helps me turn the pages and listens intently. Winston wanders in the room and stands looking at Emily. I move the book and he moves in towards her and licks her face goodnight. We go back to reading…finishing the first and start on Goodnight Moon…she points at the “cows jumping over the moon” and asks about the “young little mouse” and waits patiently for me to read “and the little ole lady whispering, hush” so she can say, “hush” with her finger up to her mouth. Daisy wanders in and wishes Emily a good night’s rest and sits and listens to the La, La, La in the background….
And the stories end…

Emily begins to ask to kiss Papa again…and I remind her she did already…so she opens her arms and says, “Papa.” And I remind her that she did hug Papa already and can hug him more in the morning when the sun wakes up.

She snuggles in the bed allows me to cover her and I began putting words to the tune of the “La La La” music playing in the background…Winston and Daisy hearing me sing, come into the room again and sit beside me…Pikachu wanders in the room and jumps on the bed and peers over Emily laying under the covers…and everyone is wishing Emily goodnight…and she drifts away into peaceful sleep where I pray she dreams of love and special things.

"For last year's words belong to last year's language. And next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning." - T.S

2010-01-01T11:12:00.006-05:00

So, it’s New Year’s Day…and I’m thinking…

365 days have past…and they were some good and some not so good…

I started 2009 with Moma in the hospital and now the year is closing with Moma in the hospital. She has been in the hospital 4 times in the past 365 days and also rehabilitation in Cardinal Hill Hospital. She has cracked her tailbone, her head, her ribs, and coded twice (once before a colonoscopy in September and once just recently on Christmas Eve). Her ribs were cracked the first time they revived her. She has learned that her renal cancer has metastasized. She had taken six months of Sutent, a drug that shrinks the cancer cells. Her frail body cannot take anymore cancer fighting drugs. She has experienced frequent trips to the doctor and this last visit to the hospital, she’s had surgery, 7 units of blood, coded as I mentioned before, taking the nurses and all involved 22 minutes to bring her back and clear the code on Christmas Eve. She spent Christmas on the ventilator in ICU…with her children beside her. It’s been a rough haul for her and we don’t seem to have much relief in sight.

My Nephew, Ethan, spent a spell in the hospital this year as well. And Granny got bit by Aunt Juanita's cat while Aunt Juanita was in the hospital.

My Great Aunt spent a long time in the hospital also earlier this year with rehabilitation at Cardinal Hill, too. At one point, Aunt Juanita was in ICU on one wing of the 3rd floor while Moma was on the other end of the 3rd floor.

We moved my good friend Connie from Kansas to Lexington to live with Aunt Juanita when she was dismissed from Cardinal Hill to assist with daily tasks…turned out Aunt Juanita is an independent woman and we moved Ms. Connie in with us. Connie spent the summer with us and moved back to her home state in Washington in the middle of August…I think…I’ve lost track of time. Adjust to an additional member in the home and then adjust to her absence.

I’ve helped move my sister twice and after the second time, when she was settled, moved my moma in with her.

Papa was laid off from Flooring Gallery after working there as a contractor to manager for 32 some years. Just out of the blue…see ya, you gotta go. And he went peacefully with the promise that they would probably have him come back in the summer months. It never happened. But it didn’t need to cause he started his own business and it has blossomed into a booming success.

That turned out to be a blessing in many ways as Craig was out of work towards the end of the summer, due to the economy…so he assists Papa in the business. He is a VALUED worker as Papa is plumb bombarded with orders.

This year marked my first year on my own, of my dream job and off probation. It’s been a year of learning, growing and stumbling. Getting use to the schedule of court, training and 24/7 obligation. I took on Pool Patrol this summer. It was an extra day of work on one of my days off…in the heat, in full uniform, at Castlewood. We learn from our experiences…As much as I like to help…I think I’ll pass next time.

With Moma in the hospital, I’ve learned my “brother and sister’s in blue” are truly family…and I am doubly blessed.

Due to the hospital time I have put in earlier in the year, my exercise program went out the window so I had to hire a trainer, Jason Bush, with Body Structure to get back into the swing of things. That was different and yet very rewarding. At the completion of my paid time, I have been able to start a program called P90X. An extreme fitness program that isn’t for everyone, but I am really enjoying it. With Moma in the hospital the whole month of December, I’ve had to revamp my schedule quite a bit, but I am determined not to let the situation set me back in my routine. So far the worse I’ve had is spacing the workouts to every other day during week six of my program. I weigh less than I did when I started Academy and feel good despite the world crashing around me. Exercise is very therapeutic, you know.

I’ve still been able to keep up with my grandkiddos despite the crazy adventures of the year. Not as much as I would like though…it’s obvious my family has been on hold here and there. But for most of them, they are very understanding and encouraging…and that is what family is about…I do love my family!!!

I haven’t mentioned our addition! Daisy, our golden retriever, came to us in September. Watching Winston going downhill, we so wanted our next dog to have Winston as a role model. Daisy just fell in our lap via a co worker with Ariel. My goodness, it’s just like children and grandchildren…just when you think you could love no one more…another comes along and you find more room in your heart to share the love. Puppy love is amazing, too…so is the insurmountable puppy debris and training!

In the craziness of it all, we still managed a grand vacation with camping, city life and ocean views…and Ed and Charlotte even met up with us in Washington DC. I was able to visit Deb in Texas on her birthday…and have a family get together for Thanksgiving at a nice little cabin in Corbin.

I’ll be honest, my housework, and yard work has suffered over this year. You can write your name in the dust. I have had to find shortcuts to make the time stretch. Some of my relationships have suffered. Although it saddens me, to admit that, I can honestly say, I have made all the efforts possible within the craziness of the events to maintain all of my relationships. Some people just have a hard time adjusting to sharing and change. I can understand that even if I can’t make it better.

I want to be more organized this coming year. Organized in my home life, my occupation and my relationships…including my relationship with my God. I want to learn more…again in my home life, my occupation and in my relationships. I have spent the past 20 some years organizing and practicing my obsessive compulsiveness. This past year, I haven’t had even time to devote to those. I kinda like being on top of things.

Year 2009 has been incredibly challenging yet rewarding. I reckon that’s just how every year is…if we stand back and examine it. I like to do that when the time surfaces. May 2010 be a bit softer…and may my family and friends be blessed with good times that over shadow any rough ones.

Happy New Year! And in the words of Benjamin Franklin, “Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each New Year find you a better person.”

Maybe Angels Whistle...

2009-12-03T10:24:00.003-05:00

Moma is back in the hospital...bleeding in her intestines...looking at whether she is strong enough for surgery...She's been able to be involved in so many things since she stopped talking the cancer treatment. One of those decisions that is big and scary.
Yesterday as I left her at the hospital, it was raining, cold and dreary. I had Moma on my mind, the Lakewood officers and stress was dragging me down...I felt like I was walking thru mud to get to my car. I crossed the pedestrian walk just behind a woman carrying a blue and white polka dot umbrella that reminded me of Ms Beasley. She was quite a few steps in front of me, but I could hear her whistling. As I got closer to her, I recognized the tune from years past. Growing up in a country church we sung old hymns, most of the time without music...and I began singing the whole song as I got into the truck...and began driving home...of course, I got a little teary eyed as I thought about the words, my stresses and worries...but also because God is funny how He speaks to me...it's not everyday that angels in polka dots whistle "Trust and Obey"

Where The Wild Things Are...there's one in all of us

2009-10-18T07:43:00.010-04:00

We got to see the movie yesterday...with some special "wild things" and it was a hit! Just like most movies there is controversy over acceptable content. I read some reviews this morning...after I fed the "doggie wild things"...and while my "grand wild things" are "romping" about the bedroom...awake..but not ready to surface. The reviews weren't fair...so I thought I'd right my own...I will try to write it in such a way that you are informed but the movie isn't spoiled for you.
How can people who read the book...go to the movie and not know what they are going to see. It shouldn't be a surprise...the book is about an imaginative boy, who acts like a kid (that's why the darn wild things have parents) who lets his imagination "grow" and take him away into a wild monster filled land, that allows him to have his way...agree? Well...guess what...the movie has the same concept...
Clue...If your child wasn't happy with the book...then they probably won't be happy with the movie...just saying.
To keep from spoiling the movie...I'll be brief...Max is a youth that has a great imagination...feels lonely...and resents the activities of his sister and mother...because they are not involving him. He acts out (imagine, a youth acting out because they are not getting their way, negative attention will suffice) He does take off running from Mom...but guys he comes back...maybe get with the timeline...He runs out of the house at supper time...comes back and eats his supper before the days ends...His imagination was rolling during that hour, remember...
Max identifies with the monsters...Carol is a monster that wants his way...gets mad at those he loves when he doesn't get his way...and learns by the end of Max's adventure on the island that his behavior is not getting him what he wants. He feels remorse for ill behavior...awesome concept. Max gets to face the reality that everyone is different...they perceive and respond differently...and it's all good. There's team work...there's accomplishments...there's lesson's...there's humor...strange humor...and there's wild times...so wild...that one of my "grand wild things" who wishes to remain anonymous, got so involved with the wild rumpus that he begin kicking the seat in front of him, which prompted the patron in that seat to remind him it was occupied...
We had lots to talk about after the movie...we even talked about it more during dinner...which by the way I skipped the frozen corn...they loved it! We have howled and howled...we have talked about Max's explosive episode in the kitchen with his mother...we have pulled quotes from the movie and made each other laugh...like..."that was my favorite arm" and "it's just a dog, don't feed it or it will follow you around."
One good clue for those of you who are planning to take your children...if they weren't happy with the book...they probably won't be happy with the movie...and a 2 year old...wouldn't be ready for the movie...be realistic...it's rated PG for a reason. The "grand wild things" that Papa and I took to view it...were old enough to understand and reason.
If anything...the door is open to discuss how WE ALL (adults/parents included) want to act out sometimes...and how it can affect those around us...and better ways to handle our feelings.
Max is a precious boy. He was adorable, imaginative and growing wise...Several times during the movie, I leaned over and stated to Papa, how precious he was. Maybe, it's because I haven't raised perfect children that I can see precious beings in wild containers.

And it was good...all good.

Did you see it? Whatcha think?

I Still Got It!...(with a little help from my friend)

2009-10-07T15:31:00.009-04:00

There was a time when you could find me out with up to 10 babies/children/youths, a mixture most of the time...It was nothing for me to take them to the park, on a hike or to the swimming pool, etc. This morning Scarlet was going to take Mom to her doctor appointment and Becky had an appointment for her car. So...I volunteered to meet Scarlet and Becky at Fayette Mall, at 0915 take their younguns (both almost 2 years of age) to the play ground and go sight seeing. This I did until 1225. I'm still alive. Both children are safe and taking naps (at least Emily is right now... Ethan looked like he might zonk on the first roll of the wheels when his moma drove off with him)...visually overstimulated and not wanting the adventure to stop. We talked about mannequins without faces, without heads, remote helicopters, read books, romped on the playground several times, had a snack in the food court, went outside for a walk, looked at statues, flowers, listened to the birds and sang songs...The five little monkeys swinging in the tree, teasing Mr. Alligator, is definitely their favorite! For three hours...Hey, I still got it!
A little secret though...right before I left the house...I called my neighbor, Delva...who has five children, including a set of twins...and she let me borrow the BMW of all strollers. I'm not sure how my adventure would have turned out had I not had that little/big help from my friend! Bless you, Bless you, Delva!!!

As I was getting out of the truck this morning at the Mall...Air1 was talking about a woman who went to the hospital thinking she was having a stroke...she was 41...turns out...she was in labor...and didn't even know she was pregnant...I WILL TAKE THREE HOURS WITH TWO - TWO YEARS OLDS ANY OLE DAY!!!!

Drooling in My Soup Bowl...

2009-09-16T13:47:00.002-04:00

It's been almost 2 hours since I left the dentist office. She had to repair a filling I got when I was 12 years old...for those of you that are counting, yes, that was some time ago.
I'm starving...and I thought the numbness was almost gone. As I sit here, leaning over my bowl, trying to sponge the broth off my chin before it runs back into the bowl...I have an epiphany...this is what Doc meant...when she said, "Oh, I've numbed your mouth up good."

Witty World of William...Again

2009-09-12T10:14:00.005-04:00

William came in last night from running with his ROTC Major...he grabbed a Cliff, chocolate brownie flavor...as we sit in Johnny Carinos last night, 09/11/2009, recalling what he had eaten...he stated, "Whoever decided to name that flavor chocolate brownie was a radical optimist."
He says things like that...I can't seem to record them all.

You Will Be Missed!

2009-08-21T13:22:00.007-04:00

After sharing a roof for 4 1/2 months...Connie packed up and we took her to meet her sister, Alice (from Puerto Rico), in Ohio to catch the Amtrack to Washington state. The picture you see was created by Connie when she had originally planned to drive back...that was before her car refused to be a part of the plan.

Alice is 11 months younger than her sister Connie...
and I know they will enjoy their time on the train...

I am positive they will be laughing...alot!

You will be missed around here, Ms Connie!!!

I will miss my female companionship…with all her tidbits of information and wise sayings and pretty pictures…Jesse will miss you…he doesn’t realize all you do around here…but he will…William will miss you…not because he won’t have anyone to argue with…cause he’ll find that anywhere…he’ll truly miss you… Winston will miss you…I know he looked forward to your walks…Pikachu will miss you…and the little tidbits of food you shared…the garden will miss you…the birds will miss you…the neighbors will miss you…all the visitors that stop by will miss you…How will I ever make Emily understand where her Ms Connie is?

Just because I am not creative in expressing myself like you are…don’t think you’re leaving will be unnoticed…You will be sorely missed…I so wish you could have just gotten an apartment here in Lexington. Washington is so far away…but we’ve been here before and managed our friendship…we’ll do it again!
I wish the best for you in the new spot. I pray you can settle and gather dust. :O)

And no matter where you are…remember, your Donna loves you…even in her busiest times…

Kentucky will miss you!

Seasonal Mistake

2009-08-12T14:29:00.004-04:00

Back from vacation but still have a few days before I must return to work so, I set out today to take care of some house cleaning…that NEVER gets done unless I do it…and HAS NOT been done for a while…a year at least. The first item on my agenda was window cleaning. I believe this is a spring cleaning type of deal and was looking forward to completing the task. Windows are important to my serenity.
Yesterday evening when putting away the groceries I cracked my right elbow on the corner of the microwave. It was still swollen this morning and achy but this was the allotted time and so I ignored the elbow pain and at 8:30 this morning, I began by taking the little valances down from ten windows. I have more windows but these are the only ones with little lacy valances. I got them started in the wash and began on my bedroom windows. A little snafu occurred as I was taking the screens out…the little plastic, not good for anything locks on the screen broke.

This has happened before and it takes a bit of nudging the guy who is locked into his computer business. While I was attempting to lite the fire under him, I decided to use an ammonia/water mixture and the car washing brush to reach the outside top windows. Doing this created a white milky mess that was incredibly hard to get off the windows. I used vinegar, glass cleaner, and alcohol…not the drinking kind…however, if I had use the drinking kind, I might have not been so concerned with washing the windows. It was early morning though so, that option was out anyway. During the scrubbing, I hooked up the water hose to try and rinse whatever transfer I had made from the brush to the windows. NOTHING was working!!!! I switched from paper towels to a white t-shirt…still the same…I cut up a pair of jeans and use them…still the same. I was experiencing such difficulty beyond my belief!

After the combination of scrubbing, rinsing, not using the brush, leaning out the window backwards working my fingers to the bone the white milky smeary stuff was disappearing. I used all my glass cleaner up on the two windows in my bedroom. I had cut up clothes, I had climbed in and out the window so many times that my back was already hurting, my elbow was talking to me but Pa had gotten up and fixed the screens and the two windows were clean. So, I cleaned up the extensive mess and moved to the dining room area.

I mixed a vinegar/water mixture and used it on the back door glass with paper towels as a test. All is good and I move on. The three windows by the kitchen table should be easier to clean than the bedroom and I began…only to have two of the screens do the same thing the bedroom screens did…again, getting Pa’s attention and the screens were mended.

I then move to the front windows. I open the first one, and try to remove the screen and I don’t need to tell you what happened. I opened the second window and a swarm of ANTS went helter-skelter everywhere! I would shut the window and clean them up and when I would open it again, a bigger brood of ants would run into the house. Connie assisted in the killing as I got a bucket of water and went outside to douse the window and wash the pests away. It didn’t work…and so we are trying to control this invasion…I send Papa out with the broom to brush them off the sill…yes, even after the water they are still parading around in swarms…I found they were dropping out of the window casing…so from the inside of the house I started spraying up in the casing to make them fall out so Pa could sweep them off.

It was working really well until I accidentally sprayed Pa right in the eye with the vinegar/water solution. As I am apologizing profusely…he stops trying to treat his eye and I see him put his hand to his mouth. He spits something into his hand…couldn’t figure out what was happening…until he looked up and said, “I jumped back and knocked my teeth together and now my tooth is broke.” OH! MY! STINKING! GOODNESS!!!!! I postpone my fight with the ants and call the dentist, Connie continues to fight the ants and Pa goes to the bathroom to assess the damage.

They can see him today…I am so grateful. Ant poison was applied to the windows and the cleaning was eventually complete. Valances are hung back in place. I look up at the clock and it’s 1:00... 4 ½ hours to clean 10 windows. I have NEVER!!!! Taken so long…I used to clean houses for a living…I would clean a big house in Hartland, upstairs and down in 4 ½ hours, have something to show for it AND make good money!!!!

All I can figure is, window cleaning is a spring cleaning kind of deal and one should not try to wash windows in the summer.

View I noticed from my kitchen window as I was cleaning. Taken after the cleaning of course!

2009-08-03T22:44:00.002-04:00

Two days without internet service or shower capibilites...three days without a signal on my cell phone. The first few hours of no signal were distresting...but it got easier as the time went by. We get use to our technology and can't imagine life without it.

My camera can't even measure up what has transpired in the first leg of our trip. The photos taken don't even come close to the first hand sight of the wide open sky view with mountains after mountains looking like ocean waves in a distance. It couldn't capture the thrill of playing around in the pool with my husband...yes, youngun's Pa was in the pool, "swimming like a seal."

I didn't dare use my camera to capture the stuning flutterby that was resting on dog turds.

DEDICATION

2009-06-17T13:08:00.005-04:00

Papa was caught documenting this incident so I thought I'd share one of the photos with you.

Every week on the first day back to work, we have inspection...our cruiser's are to be clean inside and out. Seems like since I have been on the Friday, Saturday, Sunday RDO's ...every Monday back is either rainy or looks like rain. Well, this Monday it was one of those "bring it on" rains. So, I took advantage of it and did a little maintenance...it's looks like dedication...but it might have just been an excuse to play in the rain!

And it's an opportunity to let the former co-worker from FCDC see I do use the umbrella!

Deja Vu

2009-06-14T15:59:00.005-04:00

I'm sure you all know that William is the last one home...I'm not sure if he's more difficult then the past five (Ariel would say he most certainly is), but I do know I am tired of the speeches that I have given over the years and how they consistently have to be repeated as if they were never heard before. At fifteen, for crying out loud, don't they get it by then!?

I was thinking...Instead of the same speech over and over again...why not have a pop up player, in the hallway, on the wall, set up with each speech...(it's the same thing over and over anyway)...and instead of raising my blood pressure or wasting my precious time when he has taken yet another half hour shower, I would say, "William, go listen to the "water speech" or when he tells me yet another lie, Go listen to the honesty speech." And so on and so on. Because, I feel like I'm been here before...wasting my breath!

Donna's idiom

2009-06-12T23:41:00.008-04:00

So, I am getting ready for work Thursday afternoon and drop to the floor to commence push-ups. My dog, Winston, is lying on the floor approximately 12 inches from my body. Pikachu, my cat, is lying cozy on the bed curled up around my duty belt, as she is a cat with a weapon fetish. My husband is sitting in the chair beside the window, stroking his everloving laptop....

I complete my push-ups and sit back into a shell position...and moan...loudly...and with much expression. Winston, looks up at me, inches away, moans and lays his head back down. Pa doesn't even look up...and Pikachu, the most coziest in the room...jumps up and off the bed, meowing as she quickly comes to my arm and rubs her head against it and continues to cat speak.

Which makes me think...Pika is a female, for sure...she sees a loved one experiencing a diffiicult time...who calls out in need...and without wasting anytime comes to her aid, giving encouragment.

And so...I am reminded to thank all my girlfriends out there...remember we gotta stick together. It's a "dog eat dog world."

and time keeps ticking...

2009-06-01T11:53:00.001-04:00

Today we celebrate our 24th wedding anniversary.

*and yes, I passed my final PT test this morning!

"Find what makes your heart sing...

2009-05-30T21:51:00.007-04:00

It's not been the best past few days for me. Yea, I've met obligations but my heart hasn't been happy. I've somehow lost my ability to manage my time...and I have been struggling with finding time to do create my own music. It makes my heart heavy.my mind blue.my countenance downcast.my eyes tearful.

If I don't make time to be who I am...I get lost...I know what makes my heart sing.

I have dropped the ball with all the hospital, doctor visits and plain ole stuff that has taken over my life...my exercise routine has suffered and the final PT test is this coming Monday. I know I am deficient. I am so very disappointed in myself. I have allowed myself to be consumed. Course, being sick for two weeks and taking antibotics for an upper respiratory infection didn't help, either.

I mowed the grass today...to absorb some sunshine and work is always good therapy for me...worked out in the yard, weeding and such...I cried my eyes out...don't feel badly for me...they were therapeutic tears...

Then I listened to Chonda Pierce ...and Jeanne Robertson...Emily came over and we played...I fixed supper...then Emily painted the fence, with water. shortly after, Pa,Winston and Emme B and I went for a walk around the block. We stopped and talked to a family of five passing with their dog. The dog came up and licked on Emme, the three children all came up and petted on Emme. The parents said, "Oh, what a pretty little girl." Emily absorbed it all! When we got back the Muirs were outside with the new twins...and we sit and chatted and played for quite a long while until Becky came by to pick up the little squirt.

I did not go anywhere today! I did not get in a car. I did not have any appointments or engagements. I have not had a day like such for too long.

I have instead been full of hurry and worry. Even now my mind is trying to skip back to thinking about tomorrow...Pool Patrol 1300-2000...then Monday is our 24th anniversary...do I get to celebrate it? Well, somewhere after the final PT test at 0800...and my shift of 1600-0200...the next day, Mom's oncology appointment...then Thursday the final Oral Board @ 1400 and then to work...my birthday is Friday...I am off...but no I'm not. I signed up for Pool Patrol remember? So, my assignment for that week landed on my 44th birthday...1300-2000...the Foster family reunion is the next day. When am I suppose to workout...do laundry...study...tend to the family?

I used to be a great time manager.

I haven't even gotten to see my newest little nephew, Henry.

Listening to Papa right now play tunes for me on his guitar...as I type my thoughts out, I can smile with meaning...

It's amazing how different you can feel at the beginning of the day and at the end of the day.
It's all because I was able to take the time to create my own music...like Pa is doing right now...wish you could hear it. It is beautiful...it sounds like wind chimes making music.

"Find what makes your heart sing and create your own music." ~Mac Anderson

A Mother's Love is Not Limited

2009-05-10T09:21:00.007-04:00

Sweet little Momas

And so our mothers and grandmothers have, more often than not anonymously, handed on the creative spark, the seed of the flower they themselves never hoped to see -- or like a sealed letter they could not plainly read.-- Alice Walker

Happy Mother's Day to All who have embraced a child for many years...for a brief span of time...or for just a few moments maybe, just glancing and smiling toward an unknown child and giving them a sense of hope. Opportunities are everywhere.

___Amendment to the early morning post.__

Almost all six were able to visit for lunch...Anna was here in the form of the rose she presented me with the night before. These guys are my first dream...raising them were the happiest years of my life. The rest is just icing on the cake.

Mom and Scarlet were able to visit, too!

She Sings For Her Supper

2009-05-09T23:22:00.002-04:00

Anna had a performance tonight at the Common Grounds Coffee Shop...She's a real jewel...I watched people come in that didn't know her, listen to her play and sing...and then place money in her tip jar...and/or buy her CD...She took her money out of the tip jar at the end of her show and held it up to Papa and me..."I'm so excited!" she said, "grocery money!"

I thought, Yep, she sings for her supper..."Songbirds always eat ...If their song is sweet to hear... sing and you'll be fed."

Speaking of the little things

2009-05-08T21:59:00.003-04:00

I got spend some time with Emme B and Ethan today...4 hours...the sun was shining. After the first 2 and 1/2 hours, Emily conked out and Ethan followed sometime after.

I Live for Little Moments Like That...

2009-05-07T20:40:00.003-04:00

And so the twist and turns of adolescents is wreaking havoc on my home. I find myself shocked, frustrated and plain out disgusted. Everything gets a tint of grey over it when the issues peak. It’s easier for me to forget the good stuff.

I signed onto my email today in the thick of my repugnance, searching for something to help me not think about the continuous cycle that I must endure for a few more years. My email held a note from my daughter-in-law who was advising she started a blog…and she honored me with it.

Now… that little moment took me out of a funk and was just what I needed to remind me of what I’ve been meaning to post for about a week…. I meant to post about:

Listening to the song, I Live for Little Moments Like That by Brad Paisley and how it made me think of the little things recently that I have seen and experienced…that brighten me and take me to a level of contentment…like…

Walking along the trail at Pine Mountain, listening to the songbirds, feeling the breeze on my neck and Papa reaching over and taking my hand.

Stopping by Craig and Becky’s for a short second while on duty. With Becky bringing Emme B out to the cruiser to say hello to her Mimi. I take a Jr. Police badge sticker and place it on her shirt…and we talk about Mimi’s badge and Emme’s badge and she shines…then days later when she comes to visit Mimi she finds a business card of mine. It has a badge logo on it. She takes the business card, places it on her shirt and tries to make it stick. I still tear up reminiscing that moment.

Watching the squirrel on my “squirrel proof” bird feeder trying to steal sunflower seed and slipping and FALLING seven foot to the ground…landing on his feet, picking up a seed off the ground and acting like nothing happened.

Waking up to find a note on my dresser from Ariel…knowing she looked in on me as I slept and took the time to write a note…I felt like I had an angel looking over me.

Seeing my mom, as the smooth talking Oncologist tells her hard to swallow information in such a way that she smiles and giggles like a school girl. Gosh, it was so hard to fight back the ocean of tears dammed behind my eyes.

A co-worker’s devilish grin as she really wanted to put that stray cat in her buddy’s cruiser…

The little guy less than two years old, in the back seat of a car at a Speedway…with a seat belt on and no booster…I pull the babysitter aside and advise she’s not leaving until the child is in a booster seat…and by the way, Ms do you know what it would do to the little guy if you had a collision and he was just in the seat belt made for bigger folks? I look back in at the little guy as we wait for a friend to bring a booster seat… finishing off his candy bar, Curly black locks of hair, big brown eyes, smiling a serious chocolate smile as he looks up at me…innocently.

Yeah, I live for little moments like that.

April Showers Bring May Flowers

2009-05-01T09:09:00.003-04:00

"Dark Eyes" My lastest treasure

I found my Fuchsia - Dark Eyes at the Farmer's Market last Saturday. Simply fell in love with it. I walked by the table first, glanced at her and said to Connie, "We are going to stop back at this table." (Love at first site...) She just stunning to me.

The flower reminds me of an icing decoration for a snazzy bakery cake. If you were to turn it upside down...She hangs on my porch by my front door and blesses me each time I go in and out.

I hate that it's taken a week to get it up to share.

If you click on the photo you should get the actual size...and OMG!!!! She is sooooo elegant! I even caught a few bugs on this shot...I always like to catch a bug and flower together. :O)

Installing a Husband

2009-04-24T22:50:00.004-04:00

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0 NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DEAR DESPERATE:

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta 7

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0! (It runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!
Tech Support

Timely Revelation

2009-04-09T22:06:00.001-04:00

Okay...so she's embarrassed walking back from her turn at striking, disengaging and drawing her tazer...after she had some kind of brain fart...in front of 30+ competitive macho male officers...she's noticing a few heads shaking in what appears to be disgust...and this real gentlemen looks at her and sees the turmoil her psyche is experiencing...and says nonchalantly something to the extent of, "It's okay, different people have different strengths. And well...a needed revelation for this ole timer...each time the scene is replayed in her head, she just reminds herself... Yeah...Different people have different strengths.

The Feline

2009-04-07T09:17:00.002-04:00

Our cat wears the pajamas in this house...

,,,sometimes I think it must be nice to lounge around the house all day in pajamas.

"Keep your face to the sun, and you cannot see the shadow"

2009-04-04T13:06:00.003-04:00

The top of my head feels like it is going to crack…maybe it’s the sudden spike in blood sugar as after 2 cups of coffee and breakfast in bed after missing dinner last night. I’m dressed to run but I’m drawn to the sun spot on the carpet at the base of my bedroom window. So I lay down on it… warmth is always soothing. After propping my feet up on the window sill, my cat decides it’s going to have to be shared and gets me to adjust and make room for her. Any open window is hers…I should have known that. Lying on the floor looking up into the sky, the trees that are taller than our house are still naked…the sun is exposing the dirty windows in need of spring cleaning and dust is floating through the air. It’s comes natural to me to start worrying about when things will get done…and then amidst the worried thoughts I see a five inch rainbow on my curtain…caused by the same sunshine that is exposing the dirt…and I am reminded of His promises…He makes all things good…and as I focus on the rainbow I began to hear the birds singing merrily…and I see a chickadee in the naked branches flitting to and fro…and I know there is a lesson in this…a little birdy told me so.

It's that time for a new beginning!

2009-03-20T13:30:00.002-04:00

They say it's a hoax...but every year, I balance a raw egg on my mantle. They say it can be done any day of the year...well, not at my house. :O) It only happens on the first day of Spring! AND I do it without any tricks...no cracks, no salt...just balanced.

http://www.astrosociety.org/education/publications/tnl/62/equinox.html

http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/errata/a/equinox_eggs.htm

What does STOP mean to you?

2009-03-15T13:08:00.002-04:00

For years I teased the kids as I drove “Mom’s Taxi” and we approached stop signs, spelling out loud “S- T- O- P –then shout GO!” as if that is what stop meant.
Just a funny thing I did which in a way allowed them to learn that we sometimes see what we want to see or we hear what we want to hear.
I’ve been keeping an eye out for the past seven month and it’s down right predictable; when one approaches a stop sign with intent to turn right, it magically becomes a yield sign. The driver approaches the stop sign and usually keeps looking to their left as they turn right at the STOP sign. And some will say, “Well, nothing was coming” And I say, “How do you know a pedestrian was not approaching the crosswalk from the right…or a child on a bike from the right…or someone’s lost pet running into the intersection from the right…What if someone as crossing the street from your right just above the intersection away from the crosswalk…You didn’t even stop to look.”
That’s the whole reason there is a STOP sign because it’s an intersection and you never know “from which way what cometh.”
Kentucky law states, “Except when directed to proceed by a police officer, every operator of a vehicle approaching a stop sign shall STOP at a clearly marked STOP line, but if none, before entering the crosswalk on the near side of the intersection, or, if none, then at the point nearest the intersecting roadway where the operator has view of approaching traffic on the intersecting roadway before entering it. AFTER having stopped the operator shall yield the right-of-way to any vehicle in the intersection or approaching on another roadway so closely as to constitute an immediate hazard during the time when such operator is moving across or within the intersection in junction of roadways.”
So…without starting a STOP in Lexington campaign let’s try to remember: STOP means STOP and Yield means Yield and the meaning does not change when turning right.

AND finally a joke for those drivers who say…”Well, I slowed down…”

A car slows down at a stop sign and keeps driving. A cop sees him and pulls him over. The cop asks, "Why didn't you stop?"The man says, "I slowed down." The cop pulls out his nightstick and starts beating him. "Now," the cop says, "do you want me to stop or slow down?"

Loitering in Winter

2009-03-13T08:35:00.003-04:00

Donna's View 2009

I was thinking recently about things I have done/not done/wished I had done differently in the past. That stuff can get you down. I came upon a little narrative at the bottom of my calendar with a quote from Henry D. Thoreau.

"We should be blessed if we lived in the present always, and took advantage of every accident that befell us, like the grass which confesses the influence of the slightest dew that falls on it; and did not spend our time in atoning for the neglect of past opportunities…we loiter in winter when it is already spring."

I won't add anything to that.

http://www.iath.virginia.edu/utc/christn/cheshdtaf.html Thoreau's Spring

Donna's View 2009

Now here's a thought..."When Satan is knocking at your door, simply say,"Jesus, could you get that for me?"

...That's Bologna...

2009-03-10T19:42:00.002-04:00

Last week I came in from the hospital and I was passed the point of hungry. Ever been so hungry you didn’t have the sense to eat? Well, Papa fixed me a sandwich with a V-8 and some Ruffles. It wasn’t just any ole sandwich. It was a poor man’s gourmet sandwich. It was picture worthy…just didn’t have the camera sitting close by or I would have snapped it. I think it could have been sold in a restaurant.
Wheat bread toasted mayo, salt and pepper, pepper jack cheese, baby spinach and fried bologna.
It was tasty, tasty, tasty. I raved about it and gave Papa kudos for the creation…and he said, “Well, appetite is the best sauce.”
And tonight I was reminded of that tonight…it was 6 o’clock and I had gotten Aunt Juanita home and settled in, the 35 days worth of accumulated belongings put away…went to the store / pharmacy…came back and fixed her a peanut butter and mayo sandwich… not typical hospital food you know…and chatted with her as she went through a huge pile of mail…forgetting to eat something myself for lunch. If you had witnessed her coming into the house and moving about, going through this and that you would have never guessed she was just dismissed from the hospital. At 2:45 I got her settled into her “sleeping chair” for a nap…Papa stopped by with a thermos of coffee and left for his appointment. And then it hit again…Granny was at the back door; she came stumbling in and looked all worried. “Donna Lynn” she said, “Will you run me down to the Urgent Treatment Center? My veins don’t look right. I was sitting in McDonalds and looked down at my arm and my veins are really big.”
Now, for a bit of history... Granny watched Aunt Juanita’s cat while she has been in the hospital. Sometime after two weeks of Aunt Juanita being gone the cat, “Skippy” got out and didn’t come back. On March 1st, she came back home, Granny was there…and as Granny fed her, Skippy bit her! Bit the heck out of her hand! And for 10 days I have worried about that hand, she comes and asks me to take her to the doctor…and I wasn’t passing it up. The doctor agreed it looked angry and said to have her back in two days. If the infected hand did not show improvement, she would have to be hospitalized and given antibiotics intravenously. Then it was off to the pharmacy…and to cut it short…I was HUNGRY!
When I got back Aunt Juanita fixed the tomato soup and I fixed the grilled cheeses. Campbell's tomato soup has never tasted so good...And I was reminded again…Appetite can be the bestest sauce.

Be Still My Beating Heart...

2009-03-10T01:13:00.009-04:00

I can’t sleep…I have sooooo much on my mind…

On February 4, 2009 @ approximately 1800 hrs, I received a call from my mother. She advised my Aunt had fallen in her home, that Granny could not get her up, and EC was on it’s way. I arrived and met the ambulance workers as they were taking my Aunt out of the house on the gurney. (Geez, I haven’t blogged in so long I’ve forgotten how to write normally…that all sortta has a report flow to it.)
Since then, for the past 34 days, I have been “hospitalized” and tomorrow I’ll be “dismissed” with my Aunt only to be a house guest in her home until my friend Connie arrives on Friday from Missouri to live with her.
I exercised for about 45 minutes tonight to relieve some stress. Probably would have worked if I hadn’t waited to do such right before going to bed. Just in case you don’t know it…exercising energizes you. It’s one o’clock and I’m wide eyed with a mind so busy, I’m confusing myself with my thoughts.
My mother fell on the 11th of February, Rosie’s birthday =) and was in the hospital for almost a week. She was on one side of the floor, Aunt Juanita on the other. Me? I was all over the place, bouncing from room to room. I always took the stairs…
When Aunt Juanita was stable and progressing in her recovery she was moved from ICU to the fifth floor. Again, I always took the stairs. I was so very thankful the day I moved her from Central Baptist to Cardinal Hill. The fifth floor sometimes three times a day was just about to suck the life out of my young at heart knees.
I wanted to share the stairs with you…at least the art that is up. I past the pieces so many days and still would see something new each time I climbed up or ascended down. The really nice thing about it all was the fact that with each passing I was reminded of different people in my life, which encouraged me in my plight of the nursing assistant. I won't post every photo nor mention everyone here that I was reminded of...Just enough to give a good idea of how the "Art for the Heart" made the journey a bit more tolerable by keeping my mind off of my racing heart.

Aunt Juanita says this one looks like he just belched. =)

This is me when I'm fussing at William

This one reminded me of Rosie

This one reminded me of Alice, Connie's sister in Puerto Rico

The eye with the clouds...Ariel

The apple with the table...Megan

This one reminds me of heart surgery

This one of Courtney, my mentor

This one of my sister, Scarlet

Both of these combined reminded me of Dad and Mom

There was an Old Woman...

2009-02-07T09:01:00.003-05:00

I picked my Granny up this morning, to come to the hospital and sit with her sister who is in ICU. They are big buds you know. They’ve always been there for each other. This year they celebrated their 88th and 86th birthday.

My Granny has grayed and lost several inches of her height. She carries a worried look on her face and you can see confusion in her eyes. But she’s feisty and always has been.

My Aunt Juanita has grayed also, and although she no longer stands at 5’6, I still see the elegant lady that I’ve known since the beginning of my life. She is one of those people who get sweeter and sweeter as the days go by. The nurses even say, “She’s so sweet….she’s so cute…she’s the best patient.” She is a positive woman who has dropped to less than 100 pounds.

Two little ole ladies…buds for life. Every Thursday they go to their hairdresser together. They took great pride in their appearance. They both share a balding spot that force them to be wiglet committed.

What I saw...I wish I could have captured it on film.

Granny walked into the hospital room and viewed her sleeping sister, lying in the hospital bed with tubes running from each arm, out of her nose and various other places. Then this little old lady walked over to the other half of her life, and said, “Ah, she’s sleeping.” Which automatically woke Aunt Juanita up, who then smiled over at her younger sister. A few exchanges of words, smiles with eyes lit up and Granny tries to reach Aunt Juanita to kiss her. Her little legs are so short she can’t get tall enough to lean over the rail of the hospital bed. So, she doesn’t give up, but climbs upon to the bottom platform of the bed…grabs hold of the railing and reaches for her older sister’s head. She makes contact with the little wiglet… as she pulls herself toward Aunt Juanita the little wiglet moves toward Granny under her grip. Aunt Juanita is unable to move toward Granny due to her lethargic condition. But Granny makes it, just barely to her cheek, holding onto the wiglet and the bed railing she plants a quick kiss right before she loses balance and has to let go. “Ah, that’s a good one, “Aunt Juanita says.

I readjusted the wiglet and stood back and smiled. They look like two little girls at play. Two sweet little girls in their eighties.

Granny and Aunt Juanita celebrating their 85th and 86th birthday in 2008

**This was written on Thursday 02/05/09
Since then Aunt Juanita has had surgery. In the consultation with the surgeon afterwards, he stated he did not think this will be a "life sustaining" surgery.

An Icy Delimma

2009-01-27T14:39:00.006-05:00

Winston anxiously looking back at front door.

Maybe it's his age...but Winston didn't pee until after two pm today...and that was when I drug him around the ground, slipping and slipping...he just couldn't manage to keep his legs steady. What do I do with a ten gallon dog who refuses to pee...follow him around in the house...cause it's gotta come out somewhere. We have taken a shovel out into the yard and broken the ice to provide areas of sure footing, still he has fallen several times. He manages to walk alot steadier if I lead him saying, "Steady, Winston. Slow down. Easy now."

Are your young pups taking potty breaks despite the ice?

“To appreciate the beauty of a snow flake, it is necessary to stand out in the cold.”

2009-01-19T12:08:00.004-05:00

At approximately 2AM this morning...I was standing in the parking lot, looking up to the sky...tying to entice a fellow officer to see the beauty in the falling snow. It's so quite out when it snows. There is a certain hush that engulfs you as you stand in the mist of virgin downy white. If you slowing tilt your head back and try to focus on all the delicate snow flakes drifting down, they look like thousand of mobiles dangling from the sky. There's nothing like it. It's almost hallucinogenic. It's too magical to capture on film...I would love to capture it on video and have a piano piece softly playing in the background.

But you can't just throw your head back to look up. The flakes will inevitably land in your eye. There is an art in snow watching. You tilt back slowly and try to be as one with the light falling crystals.

He missed that...I guess in his hurry to get home to his warm abode, he threw his head back and due to the wet substances blocking his view...literally couldn't see what I saw.

"You stand out here watching snow fall, Shepherd...I'm going to get in out of the cold."

I just smiled...I think you are, too.

Guard Their Minds, Their Bodies and Their Souls...

2009-01-12T15:48:00.012-05:00

Last week I was able to have Emily over a a bit of play time. It was a rainy day, bleary, dreary kind of day. As soon as we enter the house, she starts what I call the "walk through." She immediately goes to William's room to see if his pens are still on the table beside his bed. Of course, I follow close behind, shutting the hallway bathroom door as I am catching up, and call out, "Now, Emme, we can't be in here." I redirect her and close the door behind us. She then takes a right out of William's room and goes straight to my bathroom where she locates the cat's water bowl. I always make it to the bowl just as she is picking it up with the water holding onto the lip of the bowl. As I take the bowl and sit it in the tub, she turns to the toilet and pats the seat. I take her out of the bathroom closing the door behind me and the walk through continues down the hallway and straight into the kitchen. I am usually a step ahead of her and catch the dog water bowl before she has completely lifted it...and usually turn around from sitting the water bowl on the counter, just in time to take the cat food out of her hand, place it back in the bowl and sit it on the counter. Usually, then the walk through is complete and she will head to the toy room and the fun begins.

I always think of the Family Circus cartoons when this is going on...

Anyway, I store water bottles in play room that on occasion she had shown interest in. This week I had a plat of the little 5 oz. cans of V8s that I get from Sam's Club. I could kick myself in the tail for not having taken photos of her picking up those little cans and pretending to drink from them. She had a blast with them...they were mixed in with the toys, I found them in the living room and in the computer room. That night when I went to bed, I found one on the floor on my side of the bed. And I thought, how blessed I am to have a V8 by my bed. And I never wanted it to be moved. My little Emily placed it there, and how many other Mimi's in the world run into V8 cans at their bedside. It was a true treasure. Until Papa picked it up two days later and sat it on the back of the bed. Of course, I whined a bit and he responded with, "It's sitting right on the back of the bed where you can still see it."

"Ah, but honey, honey, Emme didn't put it on the back of my bed!"

It made me think, life is so crazy...you can have mini V8 cans placed by angels by your bed one minute and the next minute, it's gone...so treasure the little things, Donna. All those years, I tried to keep my house in order. All six of my brood can attest to the order and cleaning that kept things running smoothly. I would have never let my kids play with the water bottles or the V8 cans...let alone think it precious.

Today, I sat in the hospital with my sister as her son who is very close to Emily's age was getting ready for an MRI. He had nothing to eat or drink for hours and hours. This is the second time he has been hospitalized in the past two weeks. His little leg is in pain. His little crackling voice would make me fight back tears. When they sedated him, and he fell asleep, I did tear up. Little life so precious. So innocent and vulnerable. So dependent. Last week, the day before Ethan had to go to the emergency room, I had a dream. I dreamt that Scarlet and Ethan were drugged by a strange man. He drugged their Chinese take out food and had taken off with them. They were unaware of the danger they were in. I hunted for them and finally found them. In my dream I had to kill the strange man. I did everything I could to protect them.

We didn't even know Ethan was ill, we thought he just had a virus like everyone else. In our dreams we can do things that we are not capable of doing in real life. In my dream, I protected my sister and my nephew...today, I stand helpless in fighting the battle for them.

The MRI results show that he has Osteomyelitis, a bacterial infection in his little leg bone. It will require weeks of intravenous antibiotics. His moma is tired. As he was coming out of his sedation in his hospital room, he grew heavy in his moma's arms and she had to readjust him. It woke him up for a minute, he fussed and dozed back off, holding onto his moma's shoulder. "Don't let go of me...I need you." He seemed to say...I remarked, "No matter which way you turn him, he's gonna make sure he's holding onto you, even in his semi unconscious state."

"And that's okay'" Scarlet said, "Next year he probably won't even want to sit in my lap."

And she's right...so even though it's late...my New Year's wish for my family and friends would be to seize the little moments in life...cherish your family and friends...and may you be blessed with V8 cans, placed by angels, beside your bed.

---------------------------------Ethan a few months ago-------------------------------- --------------------- -------------Emme B on the V8 day------------------------

You must watch this!

2009-01-05T22:30:00.000-05:00

Watch CBS Videos Online

It can be done...

2008-12-31T09:25:00.003-05:00

.Despite there being...16 individuals, 3 youths who think their eyes are suppose to roll back and the tongues are to stick out when the camera comes in front of them, and a toddler that is so very easily distracted, and a husband who thinks hats are the greatest invention of all... WE DID GET A FAMILY PHOTO!

So sorry John for elbowing you in the face...

The Shepherd Women

Precious grandkiddos

Men in Hats

I am Blessed.

FAMILY and NATURE

2008-12-23T18:40:00.003-05:00

Passing through time is a slideshow of photos I uploaded recently onto a digital frame. I'll add to it eventually...just sharing what I got.

There she blows...

2008-11-25T19:23:00.003-05:00

Okay, so...back in October of this year I posted a few links that I wanted to pass on in a blog called Round Tuits. Well, I had the opportunity to actually try the How to Peel an Egg...for my deviled eggs that will be consumed in a matter of minutes during our Thanksgiving celebration tomorrow. Now...I suggest you go back and watch the whole video linked on Round Tuits so that you get the whole scoop. But Ariel was on the phone with me when I was performing this magical feat and whined and whined, "Tape it Moma, I wanta see." The eggs were whistling as they sailed through their shells.

I had gotten down to the last three of the sixteen boiled eggs and felt maybe, I should show the world you can teach an ole dog new tricks and that the internet is a world of education...and started up the video camera.

Now, I wasn't prepared for movie making as I had been in the kitchen cooking/baking preparing for our Thanksgiving feast. So, don't pay close attention to my lack of makeup or hair style. Just...watch the egg.

Oh, and while I'm here let me shout out to my mother-in-law: Connie, Happy Birthday!!!!

Three small canisters....

2008-11-11T12:56:00.002-05:00

http://www.9news.com/rss/article.aspx?storyid=103444

God bless the Veterans and our soldiers today...

Celebrate!

2008-11-11T11:11:00.000-05:00

It's 11:11 on 11/11!!

Going through the change?

2008-11-10T21:29:00.003-05:00

I remember when I got up every morning and ran the sweeper through the main arteries of the house. I remember when I washed the saucers underneath the potted plants.
When spring and fall made their way into the schedule, I washed all the windows, inside and out...and pulled the frig and stove, washer and dryer out for seasonal cleaning. I remember how I routinely shampooed the carpets...and there were never drip spots in the frig...or dust on the furniture...on regular cleaning days I could clean my house really good within 2 1/2 hours.

I believe I am going through the change.

I can write my name in the dust on my furniture...This past week...I cleaned our master bath toilet on Tuesday, then I cleaned the shower on Thursday morning and the vanity/sink area Thursday night.

In the past, I would have NEVER settled for that...

Something is happening...my priorities go beyond dust, sponges, sweeper bags and cobwebs...it's unnerving accepting that there is more to life...

I guess @ 43 I'm "going through the change."

Documented Tales of a Fisherman

2008-11-08T18:13:00.002-05:00

Pa's photographic fishing documentation

He can catch them...get them to hold still for a photo...AND create a website to display...He's good...He's very, very good!

Just for fits and giggles....

2008-11-05T10:28:00.003-05:00

She's camera friendly this visit!

Naked with a cup of coffee...

2008-11-03T19:24:00.004-05:00

Today I shed 22 pounds in less than 5 minutes...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In fact, I do this everyday I come home from work...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's just this day...I was soooooo focused on making it home....
being naked with a cup of coffee...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

First, you shed the bat belt off which weighs in at 12 pounds...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Second, you shed the Class A uniform, duty boots and Kevlar vest weighing in at 10 pounds...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No joking...I've weighed it all ...I go from 152 to 130 in less than 5 minutes...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I love my job...but it's sooooooooo good to get home!

Pssst!

2008-10-30T21:34:00.001-04:00

Passed my oral board review and my test...tomorrow I get my cruiser and my MDC...and tomorrow night...I'm on my own...fighting crime and surpressing evil, by God.

Little Bit

2008-10-17T09:07:00.004-04:00

Becky had to have emergency appendix removal surgery this past Monday. With her not being able to lift, I've been keeping Emily. Talk about God's planning...my RDOs (regular days off) had just changed to Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday...so since planning for an emergency surgery isn't really possible, Becky had someone watching out, doing the planning for her.

Emme B likes to go for walks. Every night she visits Mimi and Papa, she gets to go on our nightly dog walk. Since she's been hanging with us for a bit longer than usual...she has gotten into a routine...she's been bringing the dog lease to me. If she could talk, I'm sure it would go something like, "Come on, Mimi, let's go." This morning she wanted to go but it was so chilly, I just took her out and let her walk around by herself...which is what I normally do after the dog walk. Captured a bit of it on video...so you and her Momma (who is missing her BIG time) can experience the "toddling" too.

Looking for someone to capture time...

2008-10-16T16:47:00.001-04:00

IF...you are looking to hire a photographer...you may want to consider:
http://sideofsunshine.blogspot.com/

You can check out her recent shoots at her site. Just tell her, "Mama sent you."

Look what I found...

2008-10-12T22:29:00.000-04:00

Ariel has been busy today...
http://sideofsunshine.blogspot.com/2008/10/teaser.html

Destination Evan's Orchard, Georgetown KY

2008-10-11T16:38:00.003-04:00

We had a blast...Arrived at 11:00 am and hated to leave...but Emme was so tired...and Becky and I were like, "I can't believe she got so tired so fast." Got in the truck and found the time to be 1:00 pm!!! Two hours of walking...no wonder she was so tired! The time past way too fast.

Finally...

2008-10-06T13:06:00.004-04:00

I finally got to go on a hike! We hiked a bit over 3 miles at Raven Run. Everyone of my children have hiked there numberous times with me in their lifetime...Every grandchild has been there except Emme B...and she's going go too sometime. Sunday school classes have been, homeschool children have been and several friends have been with me...I can't tell you how many times I have hiked at Raven Run...But what I can tell you is it never gets old to me...

It was all very dry yesterday. Lots of colors...Got to hear and see a Pileated Woodpecker...he was too high up to try and capture on film. Caught one of the two deers we saw on film though...if you stand still they can't see you. The parking lot was overcrowded which made me think the trails would be, but they really weren't that bad. Of course, we didn't take a simple trail. Maybe, that is where everyone else was. I think we took...the road less traveled.

Now, my next destination is to Evan's Orchard...with Emme, and/or Ethan, and/or Molly and Jake...fall photos...love 'em!

The World's Greatest Dog...

2008-10-05T14:09:00.001-04:00

Say hello to Winston...

He's the best!

Brilliance...

2008-10-03T19:55:00.002-04:00

We were walking the dog tonight and I was talking to Pa..."Can't wait till I start 2nd shift next week...I'll be able to get back into a cardio routine. "
*Third shift just makes it incredibly difficult to run. You come in at 0800 and go to bed...you wake up at 1130 and toss and turn for an a hour. You go back to sleep and sleep off and on until 1700. You get up, shower, eat, take care of business, visit with the family and get ready for work leaving at 2115. That is on a semi normal day...if you have court or a grandbaby or two birthdays to celebrate in one weekend...like this week with William's 15th and Jake's 6th...or if the pet needs the vet...etc...you get the picture...the time issue is so much more dramatic when you work 3rd shift.
So, I said, "Can't wait until I get to get back into my cardio routine...As an officer I need my cardio...Cardio is what pulls you through when you think you can't go any further."
And Pa says to me, "Oh, yea? I thought that was Oreos."

*grin and sigh*

Round Tuits

2008-10-02T00:31:00.010-04:00

I keep wanting to share different things that are emailed to me...and my in box continues to fill up as I fail to get a "round tuit" so...I'm just going post some things here so you can browse at your leisure.

#1 The Invisible Woman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YU0aNAHXP0

Take a few minutes and listen...it's good stuff.

#2 My favorite commerical

#3 Watch how he gets the egg out without peeling...

How to Peel an Egg

#4 World's Youngest Preacher

Click here

Wordless Wednesday (one slice)

2008-10-01T18:44:00.003-04:00

Join us for Wordless Wednesday here

I have been making this cake for centuries...it's from the back of the Hershey's cocoa canister...the only thing I have changed is using dark cocoa for the cake, regular cocoa for the icing.

In keeping with Mary Poppins...it's a "practically perfect" cake.

I have NEVER had a complaint.

World’s smartest dog

2008-09-26T17:41:00.003-04:00

Oh, if you have a few minutes...watch this video...Carole, it's a must watch for you!

World’s smartest dog

Posted using ShareThis

Handle every stressful situation like a dog.
If you can't eat it or play with it,
Just pee on it and walk away.

Wordless Wednesday (For the Birds)

2008-09-23T19:10:00.010-04:00

Join us for Wordless Wednesday here
**Birdy shots by 'me'...aclaypot4him**

TIPTOE

2008-09-23T12:17:00.002-04:00

Pursue your goals...

With a bit of determination and effort...nothing is out of reach.

Power of Suggestion

2008-09-20T19:28:00.004-04:00

The mere mention of Brown beans and cornbread...along with the weather change...puts me in the mood for a good size bowl...wish I could visit Megan right now...she's bound to have some left over.

It might not be good for the 10 hours I spent in the crusier with my FTO though...

NOTICE:

2008-09-19T00:00:00.003-04:00

Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas, and oil:
the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
We apologize for any inconvenience.

Don't despair...You can always look up.

P.S. I'm out on the street right now...my faithful blogger is posting this for me. If you think of me now and again...lift me up in prayer...this is a rough rotation.

It's the perfect time for...

2008-09-18T03:57:00.014-04:00

I got up at 3am today...trying to keep myself on a sleep through the day schedule so I must not sleep through the night on my days off. Do you realize how hard it is to pull yourself out of the comfey cozy bed at 3am? Just to wake up and go study...cause I do anything else without waking the rest of the household. However, I should be taking advantage of the time and studing since I have another oral board review coming up Monday, the 22nd. It's just so dark and quiet and a perfect for sleeping.

Yesterday, the weather was fabulous. It was the perfect time for hiking. But instead I had to sleep...This third shift stuff takes a special kind of animal. I pray I do not get placed on third shift after my final rotation. I need time to hike. I need time to be more regimented in my physical training. Sleeping through the day does not allow for these important asspects in life. When the clouds are big and fluffy and the sky is so blue and the leaves are in crunch mode and the air is fresh and inspiring...it's the perfect time for hiking...

I wrote this over six years ago...hiking is aways in the back of my mind.

***********************************

Thinking of hiking up a steep, rocky trail?

Listening to the sounds of bugs and birds mixed together.

Catching a glimpse of a "toad lizard" as William calls it,

scurrying up the tree for safety.

Tripping over a rock in the path a time or two,

but knowing it will be worth it once you get to the lookout.

Laughing at Craig as he seems to get all the spider webs

that the rest of us shorties have no idea are even there.

Stopping to take photos of the wildflowers that are

just about finished for the summer.

Thinking it would be tasty to try the blackberries that are

abundant along the side of the hiking trail.

Feeling shaky in the knees once you are

at the top looking over the huge rocks,

realizing how far up you came.

Taking your new hiking boots off,

wishing you had broken them in better before you hiked this far in them.

And thinking how nice a cool brook would be about this time

to stick your feet in and cool them off.

Going back down the hill looking up into the canopy of trees,

seeing blue skies above,

feeling closer to God, the Creator in these spaces.

Realizing His awesome power and detail

as you watch the breeze fan through the many different leaves way above you. ..
I know these thoughts are running through your mind today.
At least, now they are.

************************************************************

Besides...You Never Know What You Will See....

Wordless Wednesday (Newly Hatched)

2008-09-17T00:19:00.004-04:00

(click on photo for larger size)
Join us for Wordless Wednesday here.

Try it Tuesday

2008-09-16T23:59:00.003-04:00

Join us for Try It Tuesday here

This is an awesome fiber filled cereal...If anyone is paying attention to Weight Watchers points...you know that fiber plays a great part in weight loss as well as...well...other things... 170 calories, 2.5 g of fat, 45 g potassium, 43 carbs and 12 g of fiber! Try this and see...it's NOT even close to other fiber cereals. This one has taste. Really good taste.

It's a bit costly...BUT...go the Kashi website...sometimes there are coupons. Even if there are not any coupons you can still gather lots of information about healthy eating. I haven't tried any of their products that I didn't like. Cookies included.

Happy Birthday, Ariel!

2008-09-11T02:12:00.007-04:00

Twenty three years ago, I gave birth to a sweet little girl...

and what a blessing she has been every since.

23rd celebration

I would have had photos of her older sisters with her on this post...except for the fact that I have split all the photos up and they are in boxes in my bedroom where my prince is sleeping soundly. These were already scanned and in my picture archive.

Digital cameras did not come soon enough!

Just for the fun of it...brother and sister 23 years after the photo on the right...whoathunkit?

Wordless Wednesday--Looking out my bedroom window

2008-09-10T03:33:00.004-04:00

Join us for Wordless Wednesday here

Adjustment Time

2008-09-08T05:11:00.005-04:00

I have been awake and drinking coffee since 0330 hrs. My time has been occupied by studies of patrol duties, proper procedures and many other topics. I am fighting myself to stay awake. You know that overwhelming feeling similar to your computer going into "sleep mode"? You feel it happening, you know you shouldn't give in, but the "screen" seems to slowly shut down. To combat this "computer" trouble I thought I might deviate from my studies and spend a minute or two with my blogging buds updating my travels through the FTO phase.

I have completed my first rotation. It was eventful and enlightening. It was first shift 0700 to 1700. Except for having to get up at 0530, These hours weren't that bad. My second rotation begins Thursday...2200 to 0800...these hours are just plain out NOT me. I sleep when it's dark. I get sleepy at night. I love the sun. In order to try and get my system to accept the insufferable hours, I am spending my weekend, getting up at early morning hours...even before it's "time to make the doughnuts."
Any suggestions on making this easier? I'm going to bed at say, 2300 and sleeping 4 hours...getting up with hopes of lying back down at 1000 and getting 4 more hours. Hence, adjusting to being awake during night hours and sleeping during the daytime hours. A fellow recruit officer who was the smartest guy in the class suggested this. (I was the smartest girl, fo shizzle!)

I am using this time to study as the FTO phase of oral boards is approaching. I'm also listening to third shift radio traffic to get an idea of the going ons.

This would seem like everything is in working order. BUT...I have had a horrific headache for the past two days. When I awoke today, I still have remnants of it...I have to wonder if the whole sleep schedule adjustment is going to cause more issues with it. Migriane medication isn't working, nor asprin and tylenol. I have moved up to 4 Ibuprohen. I guess it could be my bodies reaction to Emme's virus she had this past week while she was visiting. Just don't know...I do know...it's got me by it's claws and when I took a report yesterday referencing criminal mischief; I found myself relating to the the piece of cement brick and the shattered rear glass. It is exactly how my head feels. It took the whole thrill of running lights and sirens to an emergency call tetotaly away.

For the record...my cat thinks I'm great...someone to roam the house with in the wee hours of the morning.

Should you at any point ...

2008-09-03T16:56:00.008-04:00

Should you at any point decide to talk politics with your hair dresser...and should you know ahead of time that you are of different political affiliations...then wait until the color and cut are complete BEFORE you open the floor to political opinions. I left there looking at my hair saying, "What the heck?" I picked William up from school and he turns to me first thing and says, "What did you have done to your hair?" I get home and the Schwan's man is ready to take my order and he says, "Say, now, did you get a new 'do?" I said, "This is what you get when you are a republican and your hair stylist is a democrat." He said, "Why didn't you just tell him, we're gonna win no matter what." *Smile* ...a friendly face. Then Papa comes home and says, "Your hair is a bit shorter than usual." Oh, yeah...let me tell you about a disgruntled man with scissors and a point to be made.

AND everyone says...it will grow out in no time.

Now, to change the topic because I am NOT going there with any of my blogging friends....

Yesterday, I sat down at the main computer in the home and found what I thought was a poem by Papa. It read:

A drink before the war

darkness, take my hand

sacred

gone baby gone

prayers for rain

I read it and thought, geez, Pa, that is pretty deep stuff...and I read it again...recoginizing the fourth line of the poem...I realized that this is not a poem at all...it is a list of titles by the author Dennis LeHaye...Man...how did I pass that psychological test anyway? Must have been a good week...I'm praying for more.

And finally, yesterday, I left with my grandkiddos to take them back home. I got a piece down the road and realized I did not have my license. EEK! I told Molly and Jake that I had to turn around and go back and get my license. Silence in the truck...

Then Jacob quietly says to Molly, " We could get in trouble with a Police officer." Molly, in a disgusted, get real tone, replies, "Jacob, we are riding with a police officer."

Grinning just replaying it on my head.

Wordless Wednesday--A fussing from "big" brother

2008-09-03T08:38:00.002-04:00

-1987-

Join us for Wordless Wednesday here

Wordless Wednesday

2008-08-26T19:33:00.004-04:00

Join us for Wordless Wednesday here

Try-It-Tuesday

2008-08-26T19:01:00.005-04:00

In keeping with--- For those of you who loooooovvvveeee Butterfinger candy bars but hate the 270 calories...11 fat grams...and 43 carbs this treat is for you. TRY them...you will wonder why in the world you pick up that nasty Butterfinger....

Join us for Try-It-Tuesday here